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If you walked by the State House at all last week, chances are you saw some concerned citizens standing by the marble steps: raging grannies in ridiculous hats singing about reforming the state's criminal record policy, a group clutching signs in Chinese characters imploring for bilingual ballots with transliterated names, or housing advocates waving giant cardboard keys.

The last week was a mad rush, with activists and lobbyists jostling to be heard by legislators who were dizzy with the final push of the session. This year, we've fawned over about a dozen superstar bills that got significant press while several others languished or passed with little fanfare.

This is by no means intended as a comprehensive list of the thousands of bills filed over the course of the session, but rather, a "best of," acknowledging some of the rock stars and some of the less sexy bills, a sampling of the varied concerns of your elected officials and the glacial pace of democracy.

National Popular Vote

Sponsored by Rep. Charles Murphy, D-Burlington

This bill fought until the bitter end. Part of a national movement to do away with the electoral college (where voting numbers are reduced to who won the majority of each state), to pass the initiative must be approved by enough state governments to win the majority of the electoral college. If that ever happens, it would essentially end campaigning-by-numbers and the focus on swing states because every vote in every state would have equal weight. It passed in the House, but last week the Senate postponed it to the next session.

Criminal Offender Record Information (CORI) reform

Gov. Deval Patrick

The governor's original bill shortened the period ex-offenders had to wait for their records to be sealed, from 15 years for a felony and 10 for a misdemeanor, to 10 and five years, respectively. But Sen. Diane Wilkerson, D-Boston, has suggested that Patrick didn't consider the recommendations of the Black Caucus (including protections for employers who hire people with records and relief for juvenile offenders), and several activist groups think that the governor's waiting period is still too long, that CORIs should be sealed after seven and three years. Last week, the Judiciary Committee reported the bill out favorably, with amendments also requiring that preliminary job applications don't ask if you've been convicted of a crime. The bill transformed so much during the season, that Patrick was coy when asked if he'd sign the bill ("let me see what I get."). But it never got to his desk.

Bilingual ballots

The Boston City Council unanimously passed legislation in May that would renew bilingual ballots in neighborhoods with large immigrant communities, but would also transliterate candidates' English names into Chinese characters. Secretary of State William Galvin opposed the measure, insisting transliterated names would be too confusing. This is not the first time Galvin's clashed with such efforts ... Boston only got bilingual ballots in 2005 after activists sued the city. The home rule petition didn't pass ... though a similar proposal (without transliterated names), for Worcester passed in May.

Life Sciences

Gov. Deval Patrick

This is a 10-year, $1 billion bill to promote biotechnology, pharmaceutical and medical device industries (to name a few). The bill stalled out for a while in 2007, as the governor and the speaker sparred (not literally, unfortunately) over the exact terms of the funding, and it didn't pass until June 2008, over a year after it was first proposed.

Health insurance reform

Senate President Therese Murray, D-Plymouth

Several bills attempted to make healthcare more affordable and comprehensive, while relieving the costs of money known as universal healthcare. They were all swept under one legislative umbrella, and under the wing of Murray, a legislative leader. The bill includes mandates to standardize the paperwork process (one way for insurers and providers to quit hemorrhaging money) from Sen. Karen Spilka, D-Ashland, and expansion for more comprehensive coverage (including dental and ambulance coverage) from Sen. Mark Montigny, D-New Bedford. It's passed in both the House and the Senate, and awaits approval from the governor (who, just to be clear, can still sign or veto the bill even though the session is over).

Buffer Zones

Sen. Jarrett Barrios, D-Cambridge

This law, passed in November, extended the protected zone around reproductive health centers (read: Planned Parenthood) from a six-foot floating bubble where protesters could only approach with a client's consent, to a 35-foot buffer zone that protesters cannot enter.

Broadband in western Massachusetts

Gov. Deval Patrick

Another huge bond bill from the governor: $25 million to create a Broadband Institute, which would invest in bringing broadband internet to the 32 unserved communities in the state, by investing in publicly-owned broadband infrastructure and partnering with private firms. The goal would be to connect everyone by 2010, so you could stop stealing your neighbors' weak wireless signals, or (gasp!) using dial-up. You would think borrowing money to invest public funds in private industry is a tough sell, but it passed just last week, and Patrick signed it into law on Monday (he usually signs off on his own stuff).

Cremation

Rep. John Binienda, D-Worcester

This bill, allowing funeral parlors to bury or scatter ashes that go unclaimed for two years, was filed after Peter Stefan, director of Putnam & Mahoney Funeral Parlors in Worcester, complained that many people never claim their relatives' remains (Stefan has some dating back to the 1800s!). But disposing of unclaimed remains is always a litigious nightmare—relatives might pop up 20 years after a body is cremated asking what you did with their loved one. The bill passed in the House, but never made it to the Senate before the end of the session. Binienda will re-file it next year.

Life insurance

Rep. Ruth Balser, D-Newton, and Senate President Therese Murray, D-Plymouth

Ladies, did you know that annuity insurance policies (premium plans that go toward retirement income) in Massachusetts either charge women higher premiums, or offer them lower pay-offs? The reasoning is that women live longer (the estimate is eight percent of women outlive men). Premium discrimination on the basis of race or religion is already illegal in the state, and both chambers of the legislature have passed this bill, which outlaws gender discrimination as well. It's sitting on the governor's desk.

Hypodermic needles

Rep. Louis Kafka, D-Stoughton

It seems like just yesterday (well, 2006) the legislature allowed pharmacies to sell needles on the cheap, in an effort to improve public health by discouraging needle sharing. This bill would amend that legislation, criminalizing any uncapped needles (punishable with a one to two year prison sentence or a $500-$5,000 fine.) During a Judiciary Committee hearing on the bill, police officers testified that they were scared shitless by the prospect of getting pricked during an arrest and getting HIV. The bill mandates that, should that occur, the arrestee must get a blood test. It progressed quickly in the Senate, but got lost in the July shuffle.

Global Warming Solutions Act

Sen. Marc Pacheco, D-Taunton

This bill is Al Gore's wet dream (no, really! He wrote a letter to Speaker DiMasi endorsing it). It's like the state's own personal Kyoto, and requires Massachusetts lower greenhouse gas emissions to 20 percent below 1990 levels by 2020 and 80 percent below 'em by 2050. It passed on the very last day of the session at 9:25pm! It tops off a session that also saw the passage of the Biofuels Bill, which offers tax incentives for companies that use cellulosic ethanol, and the Green Communities Act, by which utilities companies can buy solar energy from individuals, and offer rebates to customers who invest in energy-efficient equipment.

Housing and Foreclosure bills

Sen. Diane Wilkerson, D-Boston

Several bills intended to stem the sting of predatory loans and foreclosures in working-class communities were filed. Three from Wilkerson would require "just cause" for eviction, court hearings on all eviction cases and a moratorium on foreclosures that stemmed from predatory, sub-prime loans all mired in the Judiciary. Maybe next year?

Transgender discrimination

Rep. Carl Sciortino, D-Somerville

So, you can't discriminate on the basis of race, ethnicity, age, religion, ability, sexual orientation ... or gender. Well, sort of. The state doesn't protect transgendered individuals, though 13 states, D.C. and the cities of Boston and Cambridge have already outlawed discrimination on the basis of "gender identity or expression." This was sent to study (a death sentence for a bill), though it's the first year that the transgender discrimination bill was filed, and Sciortino's office thinks it may be a matter of educating legislators, since this is a new issue for many of them. Sciortino plans to re-file next year.

WHY ARE NEWSPAPERS DEAD? (Yeah, we just upgraded them from dying to dead. You want to argue?) Beats the shit out of us. There's tons of worthwhile stuff to read out there. There aren't many dollars left to go around, but everybody who's cashing a paycheck these days is fighting the good fight. Striking a blow against irrelevance. Saving what's left of the industry, one precious word at a time.

Check that. Two weeks ago, the Globe broke a story about how T-shirts aren't just "cool" ... they're also art! Don't believe us? Just ask some guy from Somerville who an intrepid reporter found on facebook. This guy's apparently an authority because his profile says he likes T-shirts ... and he can pontificate. Observe: "Being able to have the visual creations of others that would normally be seen spray-painted on a wall or hung in a gallery on your chest says a lot about a person."

Yes! God, so true. What people wear says so much about them (like how much they're willing to spend on what they wear). And sometimes when Media Farm goes to an art gallery, we rip the canvas from the frame and roll around in it. So not only is the Globe reporting on breaking trends, it's like they know us.

Journalism: saved.

IT DOESN'T END with the discovery of T-shirts. The Globe's relentless trend machine stumbled upon the phenomenon of guys with shitty haircuts last week. The fat Pulitzer check, no doubt, is already in the mail.

According to popular theory, parting your hair on the left reveals a tendency toward logical, left-brain thinking. Parting it on the right suggests a more artistic, intuitive bent. But the modern man prides himself on drawing from both sides. That might explain the enduring appeal of the fauxhawk ... The slight, sculpted crest that represents a civilized simulation of the ancient-warrior, punk-rock Mohawk speaks volumes about the wearer, who demonstrably straddles the fence between conformity and nonconformity: I'm a team player with an unrepentant dash of mischief. I may be rumpled, but I clean up nice ... The fauxhawk implies that its wearer is perfectly capable of being an upstanding member of society. With a little help from his hair wax.

Next week in the Globe: Anything that three or more people are doing, with commentary by someone tangentially connected to or interested in the anything in question, written by whoever's willing to trade their sense of self-worth for next month's rent money. It's gonna be hot!

MORE EXERCISES IN DUBIOUSNESS: On Sunday, City Weekly re-explained the fates of the crumbling BU and Longfellow bridges, wondering, "What if Boston lost its links to its brainy northern neighbor?" The paper only waited twenty paragraphs before mentioning that five other bridges connect Boston and Cambridge.

AND NO, IT'S not just a Boston thing. The New York Times Sunday Style section, a cheat sheet for bygone trends and the problems of the very very wealthy, also blew our mind. You know this tiny little total economic failure the country is wadding through? Maybe you heard about people losing their homes and jobs on the days when papers felt like covering news? Well, it's hurting rich people, too. You see, there's an influx of foreign tourists, whose currency is strong against the drooping dollar, and they're visiting New York in droves. You'd think that would be a good thing. You'd be wrong:

An infusion of foreign money is welcome in a city faced with a wobbly economy and a possible budget gap in the billions. But even some locals who consider themselves cosmopolitan and internationalist confess to feeling envy, not to mention territorialism, in watching a outsiders [sic] treat their city like a Wal-Mart of hip.

Wow. We had no idea. Damn foreigners coming in and boosting our economy! It must be hard for these cosmopolitans to whip out the rulers and find that they just don't measure up. Is there some kind of charity we can give to? Rags for Riches, perhaps?

SUCKAGE ISN'T LIMITED to newspapers, either ... TV news is toddling after, shouting "Wait for me, guys!" WHDH recently did a "Special Report" entitled "Edible Insects," which feels like one long ominous music video ... except, true to form, the Night Team's Ryan Schulteis alternates between setting the story to Muzak and techno. Did you know bugs are an excellent source of protein? Did you know their legs can get stuck in your teeth? Did you known children in Burlington recently ate bugs? No? Well, how the fuck do you get through your day without knowing about the world you live in. For shame! You've killed journalism!

Last week, Diane Coutu told 50 people how her employers' deep understanding of depression prevented her from committing suicide, during a legislative forum on the Massachusetts Workplace Mental Health Initiative.

The initiative, provided by Screening for Mental Health (SMH), a Massachusetts-based nonprofit, offers free online screenings for depression, generalized anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, alcoholism and post-traumatic stress disorder.

Alan Holmlund, director of the Suicide Prevention Program at the Department of Public Health, stressed the need to develop and disseminate tools to train "gate keepers," particularly in the workplace, to enable early intervention. The website targets government agencies, colleges and the military.

Dr. Douglas Jacobs, the president and CEO of SMH, estimated as many as 10 to 20 percent of all employees would access the website. "We know that anywhere from five to six percent of the general population suffers from depression, but of the people who take the test, over 85 percent of those score positive," he said. "So we have a tremendous impact."

After reading the symptoms of five mental problems, users select which screening they want to take. For depression, 13 questions follow general inquiries about the user's age, gender, ethnicity, marital status and psychiatric treatment history.

One of the soft lobs is, "How often have you been feeling blue?" Another question asks, "Have you ever had a week or more of sustained, unusually elevated mood, like a 'high,' out-of-control behavior (such as risky sex, over-spending), racing thoughts, and little need for sleep?" Questions about possibility of a user's suicidal behavior or bipolar disorder wrap up the questionnaire. If the user chooses any of the multiple choice options other than "For none or little of the time" for the suicidal behavior question, an alert pops up, advising the user to dial 911 or go immediately to the nearest hospital for an evaluation.

A "results and recommendations" page pops up immediately after the survey is completed. The screenings are linked to referral resources, including health insurance plans.

To protect employees' confidentiality, the screenings are completely anonymous and users are not traceable, since many are reluctant to seek help because of the stigma still associated with mental illness.

Toby Fisher, director of public policy for the National Alliance on Mental Illness-Massachusetts, says this anonymity is useful. "I think that mental health services and treatment should be kept confidential and by making it anonymous it will allow people to feel less inhibited to use the service," he says. He's reluctant to dismiss the website, though it may be an imperfect means of evaluation. "Anything that provides early diagnosis and treatment is an effective tool," he says.

Jacobs plans to track the effectiveness of the website. On the results and recommendations page, users will be asked if they plan to seek further evaluation or not. "We don't know for sure how many will seek treatment," he said.

You get behind on your credit card bills, your student loans or your mortgage payments. Are the four phone calls you get each day going to get you to pay what you owe, if you live on a fixed income?

State Sen. Patricia Jehlen, D-Somerville, thinks not. When she heard about the practices of debt collectors (and several horror stories about seniors shutting off their phones, ending both the annoying phone calls and their line to the outside world), she held hearings to find out more.

"One of my constituents told of being called at all hours several times a day while her husband was dying," Jehlen told the Dig via email. "She couldn't stop answering the phone, because she needed to hear from doctors. The calls continued after his death."

Now, Jehlen is trying to pass a law that would stop people from being harassed for debt they owe. Debtors could be able to send a cease-and-desist letter to the creditor, and the creditor must stop all phone calls. And if a debtor just tells them verbally to stop, the creditor is prohibited from calling her for 10 days.

The way the laws stand now, debt collection agencies are required to stop making phone calls if a debtor asks them to. But that rule doesn't apply to the person or company who is actually owed the money. These days, many companies are keeping debt collection in-house, rather than outsourcing to a collection agency, and they can make all the phone calls they want.

The bill passed in the Senate and is awaiting action in the House. Jehlen was not aware of any opposition to the bill, but with last week's end-of-session craziness in the Legislature, she was keeping her options open to pass it "by the end of session in December." It did not pass by July 31st.

To the pointless hostess at the cafe,

Why do you feel it's necessary to harass me and my friends when we come to dine and drink at one of our favorite establishments? Long before you came to Boston for graduate school we spent many nights there, and there was never a hostess nor a need for one. The sign at the door said "seat yourself," yet you yell at us in front of everyone for doing just that. Sorry we didn't check in with "the hostess." Maybe you should be doing your job of jockeying menus instead of sitting at your friend's table outside chatting.

Yet, you couldn't leave us alone, could you? Instead of doing your job passing out menus and seating people despite the sign—why again do they pay you?—you had to come upstairs and hang out with more friends, sitting down at the table next to ours and giving us dirty looks.

The climax of the evening was when you came over to our table to patronizingly call us idiots because we were sitting in chairs that "blocked" our server's way to another table.

Yet, our server had no problem taking orders and bringing drinks and food to them. So, glorified doorman ... I mean hostess ... next person to be fired when the boss realizes you slack-off constantly, perhaps, why do they put a chair on the side of a table if no one is supposed to sit there?

Just do us all a favor and stop getting stupid star tattoos, at least get nautical ones so you can fit in with your clientele, I bet you could even claim them on your taxes as a business expense. Stop harassing your customers, I know over 10 regulars that used to eat and drink there at least twice a week who refuse to go ever again because of YOU. Lastly, if you want to really fit in, go out and buy a brakeless fixie and crash it into a MBTA bus.

Send your anonymous gripes and grouses to letters@weeklydig.com, or to Dig Department of Gripes, 242 E. Berkeley St., 2nd Flr., Boston, MA 02118. Crybaby.

The federal Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) has proposed defining abortion to include birth control pills, implants, shots and intrauterine devices in a memo that caused an uproar among family planning groups and "at least one member of Congress" (only one!), according to Reuters, who received a copy of an HHS draft in mid-July.

To quote: "The Department proposes to define abortion as 'any of the various procedures—including the prescription and administration of any drug or the performance or any other action—that results in the termination of the life of a human being in utero between conception and natural birth, whether before or after the implantation.'" Ladies, that not only includes the hotly contested Plan B contraceptive (aka the morning after pill), but many other mainstream precautionary measures one might take to prevent unplanned miracles. The HHS proposal would classify the most effective methods—less than one in 100 chance of getting pregnant if used as directed—as "abortifacient," leaving us with two-four-six-ornine-in-100 chance alternatives: condom, pull-out, diaphragm or sponge, respectively, if used or performed correctly every single time.

While I respect those who morally object to the spilling of seed, I still have the freedom to disagree with their notion of baby making as the one acceptable outcome of such activity. And I, as an educated woman with innumerable resources at my disposal, vow to continue to pursue my sinful acts responsibly by taking precautions with the greatest rate of effectiveness and smallest margin of error in preventing me from starting a family until I'm darn well ready. Bill Clinton was noted for saying "Abortion should not only be safe and legal, it should be rare." And birth control prevents people like me (those who are unwilling or unable to carry a pregnancy to term) from seeking out abortions. While some may not approve of my methods, the government has no right to take a moral high ground and deny me protection against unwanted pregnancies.

Why would HHS restrictively define contraceptive measures? To regulate the family planning options available to the female populace. The Department seeks to cut off funds to hospitals and states that offer legal abortions and contraceptive services to women. HHS also seeks to require any clinics, hospitals or medical schools that receive Department grants to hire those opposed to abortion and birth control, thereby limiting the information available to their patients. You can have your parochial schools and insufficient sex education but when it comes to offering unbiased medical counsel, you cross a line if you limit the options offered to individuals seeking alternatives to abstinence.

Though HHS has declined to discuss the proposal, they've mentioned their responsibility to protect doctors and pharmacists who object to abortion or birth control on either religious or moral grounds. Oh, so it's an anti-discriminatory measure. Yet, I'm to be discriminated against because I choose to copulate without procreating? My medical options are to be limited because my fornication offends people? The Department's moral objections, if made into law, will do nothing but increase the rate of abortions sought, whether they're still legally available or not.

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It was the sort of news bulletin that sends shivers down the spine of Cape and Islands residents at the height of the tourist season: