Andanh.com

Eight chalk outlines of bodies containing the words "BU biolab outbreak," "Ebola," "plague" and "anthrax" lined the pathway on Boston Common last Friday. Inside the Statehouse's Gardner Auditorium, the National Institute of Health (NIH) held a "blue ribbon panel" on the Boston University National Emerging Infectious Diseases Laboratories, commonly called the biolab.

Friday's two-hour session was one of many "risk assessment" meetings for collecting public comment, which the panel chair, Dr. Adel Mahmoud, declared "an important part of the process." The panel is comprised of 16 scientists from all over the country, most of whom have backgrounds in public health and infectious diseases.

The government-funded NIH created the advisory board several months ago in reaction to a critical report from the National Research Council on NIH's safety reviews of the biolab.

In 2003, the NIH awarded a $128 million federal grant for construction of the BU biolab.

The lab would be labeled as biosafety level 4 (BSL 4), the highest rating there is, meaning that infectious pathogens—like Ebola, anthrax and smallpox—will be studied within the facility. The NIH has not yet announced which specific pathogens would be studied at the biolab, but is scheduled to share the information at the panel's June 6th meeting.

Supporters described Boston as ripe for the lab because of the large talent pool in a quickly developing field. There are already several BSL 2 and BSL 3 labs within Greater Boston, but a BSL 4 lab would mean taking increased care with the research conducted inside. There are six other BSL 4 labs in the United States and a seventh in Winnipeg, Canada, but the BU biolab would be the first located in an urban setting.

Stephen Mulloney, director of policy and public affairs for the Massachusetts Biotechnology Council, sees the BSL 4 lab as a way to link all the area labs together into a "life sciences supercluster."

"MBS firmly believes the lab is suited for the Boston area," Mulloney said.

Opponents see the BSL 4 label as a threat to their community and fear what would happen if one of the infectious diseases studied there escaped. Dozens of people who live in the Roxbury neighborhood, where the proposed site is located, attended the panel.

Maryann Colella, a member of Stop the Biolab Coalition and SafetyNet, said that the meeting should have been held as close to the Roxbury site as possible, and that it was scheduled when the working class could not attend.

"Bureaucratic charade has very little to do with public health," she said. "You should be ashamed that the meeting is at 9 a.m. when people work."

Klare Allen, another outspoken biolab opponent, felt shut out by local politicians who support the project.

"We will fight this lab until our last breath, but we have no other alternative than to turn to you and say, 'Help us,'" she said. "Please talk to us. We want an open relationship."

Mundel believes BU and NIH have been less than cooperative in the past. "The university and NIH have destroyed or lessened trust in our community," Mundel said.

But Mahmoud is working hard to repair this relationship. "Interaction with the community cannot stop," he said. He plans to return after the panel's June 6th meeting to hear more public concerns.

"You're very gentle ... is this the way you campaign, too?"

-- Steve Vinter, Google engineering site director, to Gov. Patrick, during a rally of one-liners and ping-pong at the new Google offices in Cambridge. 5.13.08

"He's got a lot of tail and head, but he's really little. Kind of the size of a pigeon with a lot of tail feathers."

-- Janie Owen, describing Reston, her missing pet rooster, to the Somerville Journal. 5.14.08

Water-related activities that seem like a good idea, but in actuality, are not:

1. Sitting in the splash zone at a marine wildlife show—with your skin crackling under Californian or Floridian sun, this may seem like a refreshing treat, until you realize there's no chlorine to sanitize whale-sized excrement.

2. Sex in a hot tub—while commonly fantasized about in movies, the odds of having waterproof lube on hand when you're spontaneously jumping in with a partner (not to mention all the glamour of a public pool/pedicure washtub) are slim.

3. Setting off the sprinklers in your poorly ventilated office—though it comes with the added bonus of an extended happy hour as you cannot re-enter the building, consider the company's hardware. You ultimately don't want to get fronted with the bill from a supremely pissed off IT person.

If any of these were hot on your list of things to do this summer, take a peek at the feature's list of conventional, unconventional, potentially ill-advised suggestions brought to you by the Dig. Eats + Drinks has crustacean comfort food to whet your appetite [groan—Ed.] and the whole A&E section is jammed with enough summer fun to get you all wet with anticipation [Oh, come on!—Ed].

More like the War on Dud

Dear Dig,

Cara Bayles' "Packed Prisons" (feature, 5.7.08) gave readers a very clear answer as to how and why our prison system has become so vastly overcrowded: the War on Drugs.

Our court systems are clogged with the vast influx of nonviolent drug offenses we prosecute: 1.7 million nationally each year. Building prisons has become the fastest-growing industry in America. Another booming industry? The black market drug trade. After nearly 40 years and over a trillion tax dollars spent on the War on Drugs, illegal drugs are cheaper, more potent and easier to get than ever.

The War on Drugs doesn't prevent drug use, and it doesn't prevent drug-related crime. In fact, drug prohibition causes crime by putting violent cartels in control of the drug trade. If drugs were legalized and regulated, the black market drug trade would be a nonentity and crime would drastically reduce. In the case of nonviolent users, drug addiction should be treated as a health issue rather than a legal problem.

I arrived at this conclusion after serving as a member of the New Jersey State Police for 26 years; for 12 of those years I worked in their narcotic bureau as an undercover agent.

I am now the executive director of Law Enforcement Against Prohibition, an educational organization of former and current law enforcement officers who know the War on Drugs is an abject failure: We are police, judges, prosecutors and corrections officers dedicated to speaking out about the atrocities of the Drug War.

JACK A. COLE

LEAP EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR

MEDFORD

Where am I?

Of the four establishments described in Ligaya Tichy's Yelp article about Jackson Square (5.14.08), only one is actually in Jackson Square (the Columbus Ave./Centre St. intersection). Diablo and Mississippi's are in Mission Hill, and 826 Boston is in Egleston Square. While the boundaries of these areas are imprecise, your locales weren't close to any common definitions of Jackson Square. It's good that Tichy highlighted these fine places and how nearby they are. But simply accessing something via the Jackson Square T stop doesn't mean it's automatically in Jackson Square. Mission Hill and Egleston Square certainly deserve praise as well.

JOHN

VIA EMAIL

Yelpstop author Ligaya Tichy responds:

Thanks for your feedback, John. The intent of the column is to feature cool local businesses that are accessible from a particular T stop. To avoid confusion, titles will now include the name of the stop and the subway line.

Errata: Last week's DeVotchKa article listed the opening band as Funky Trash. The band's real name is Fancy Trash. Sorry about that.

It's been about one month since I moved into my first apartment in Jamaica Plain, where the thick smell of pastelitos and the booming sounds of reggaeton permeate the air. Honestly, my heart swells like a pubescent boy's penis when I say, "Me encanta el barrio."

There's just one problem: my roommate.

I will call her "Juanita" for privacy's sake, though I highly doubt that she would read this (or anything, for that matter).

The apartment was a welcome arrangement after miscellaneous placements and a year at a group home. As I unpacked my shit, I beamed with pride. No more bedtimes. No more stupid community meetings. No more awkward crushes on timid Jewish social workers (well, not really). But soon, reality kicked me in the balls: After foolishly spending my money at H&M, I realized that although a pink cardigan and lime green pants make a wonderful outfit, I can't eat them, bathe with them, or use them to pay for my rent, cellphone or groceries. I cried. My DSS worker gave me money to tie me over.

I continued to unpack until the doorbell chimed, and I met Juanita, my roommate. With a bevy of stretch marks adorning her arms and curly hair in a sloppy, foolish bun, I somehow got the innate feeling she wasn't the smartest cookie in the crayon box. Nevertheless, I extended my hand and introduced myself. I told her I was 18. She was 21. Later, in a random argument, she would call me an "immature 20 year old." How I'd aged two years in two weeks is anyone's guess.

Soon, Juanita welcomed herself in my room. As it turned out, we both shared a penchant for Mary Jane, reggae, reggaeton and The Pack's infectious shoe send-up "Vans." I sized her up again. She had camel toe. She shuffled like a sad, languid walrus. She didn't know who the Queen of China was, or that there wasn't even a Queen of China. Juanita was everything I feared I was, due to excessive introspection and self-hatred: fat, dumb, emotionally whacked out. And her armpits were obscenely hairy.

I could go on forever about Juanita, but ultimately, every barb I shoot out reflects more on my character than hers, and it doesn't change anything about her or the dynamics of our relationship. She'll still steal my shirts and eat my food. And I will still be a patronizing, antagonizing bitch. Or I could look at it another way. Maybe there is some strange existential connectedness of our entities or some shit like that. Everybody is different, like a pack of Skittles, and I know that if I can stick things out, I'll be prepared to deal with any other kind of shit/shitheads later on in life.

I will give her this: Juanita has great hair (on her head), a great sense of humor, she can cook Easy Mac (I cannot), and she knows how to handle the creepy old men who annoy us in front of stores.

But please, Juanita, stop eating my Hebrew National beef franks and drinking my chocolate milk. Mofos need their calcium. Gracias.

Oh, California! You shouldn't have! For our fourth anniversary of legal gay marriage in Massachusetts, the Schwarzenegger state gave us a matching Supreme Court decision. PLUS 1

A restauranteur who printed "Obama in '08" T-shirts with an image of Curious George may face copyright infringement charges from Houghton Mifflin and the love of racists everywhere. EVEN

Architects and activists campaign to save City Hall, calling the building (which faces threats of replacement from Mayor Menino) one of the most architecturally significant structures in the world. Significantly hideous! Zing! EVEN

Speaking of the mayor's architectural ambitions, his proposed 75-story tower would obstruct planes arriving and departing from Logan Airport. City Hall and Trans National Group (the corporation that planned the building) are negotiating with the FAA about cutting the 1,000-foot erection down to size. We hear cold water helps. EVEN

The $13.9 million ducts installed in Big Dig tunnels to enable cellphone service aren't being used by wireless providers, who chose the cheaper option of installing cable along the walls of the tunnel. $13.9 million? Is getting cell reception while driving really that important?! MINUS 1

Merry graduation! May your futures be bright, and your UHauls not fuck up traffic! PLUS 08!

Elongate hemlock scale ... a measurement of tree growth? The key to natural male enhancement? Nope. It's a tiny bug that eats giant evergreen trees. And while the insects visit southern New England every summer, they've already been spotted in New Hampshire. That's north of us!!!! Watch out, trees!!! MINUS 1

Registrar of Motor Vehicles Anne Collins has been promoted to a top transportation post, so if you've always wanted to be the benevolent dictator of the DMV, now's your chance! PLUS 1

Consumer confidence in Massachusetts is the lowest it's been since 1991. Damn, and in 1991, we were in a recession. Huh. That's weird. MINUS 1

Motorcyclists circled Beacon Hill in their annual "Storm the Statehouse" event, where they ride a circuit to push their political agenda (this year it's putting a portion of insurance collections into a safety fund, repealing the helmet requirement and creating harsher penalties for right of way violations). If only all lobbying was so creative ... we'd love to be there when activists protest elephant hooks ... PLUS 1

THIS WEEK'S TOTAL: PLUS 8

LAST WEEK'S TOTAL: MINUS 1

Go skinny dipping in the Christian Science Plaza reflecting pool

A flawless rectangle of shimmering liquid, the Christian Science Center's linden tree-lined reflecting pool is a calming oasis among the bustle of Boston's city streets. It beckons for purity of the highest nature, inviting you to shed all that is unnecessary and bathe with pride. Plus, it's totally MBTA-accessible.

Perks: no tan lines

Hazards: glares from Boston Magazine staffers

[200 Huntington Ave., Boston. 617.450.2000. tfccs.com]

Water balloons

Cheap, wicked fun and satisfyingly squishy, water balloon fights have summer licked. Just load up your arsenal and wait for prey. Think you've mastered the art of watery battle? Branch into new ammo like beer, hibiscus-infused Icelandic H2O, or—this is war, kids—blood balloons.

Perks: gravity + balconies

Hazards: latex allergy

Nantasket Beach in Hull

This swath of shore boasts salty tidal waves and oft-visited boardwalk shops. And if you really want to get cozy with a bunch of blue-hairs in peek-a-boo sarongs, hit one of the last remaining Fascination game rooms in the country ... just don't ask us how to play.

Perks: carousel rides and soft-serve

Hazards: sand in your snatch

[Rte. 3A, Hull. 617.727.5290. mass.gov/dcr/parks/metroboston/nantask.htm]

Sabrage

Leave it to The Second Glass to bring back sabrage—that is, shearing off the top of a chilled bottle of bubbly by striking a blunt object (extra credit for a saber) against the weakest part of the neck. Do it right and look like hot shit.

Perks: skin tastes like Champagne

Hazards: Champagne tastes like broken glass

[thesecondglass.com]

Get baptized

Your sufferable sweating could be caused by the summer heat ... or, perhaps, your sinfully inflamed heart. Whether you're ready to be born again, or just need a free refreshing dip (pool membership costs are ridiculous these days!), it's time to take the plunge. What do you have to lose?

Perks: eternal life

Hazards: holy water ear infection

Hot yoga

Unofficially known as the yuppie's Slip n Slide, a hot yoga class will definitely get you wet. Writhing athletically in an extremely hot and humid environment, you'll certainly get your fill of sopping, slitheringly shiny skin. Position yourself strategically and receive bonus sweaty droplets energetically flung from limb-thrusting neighbors.

Perks: puffy no mo'

Hazards: eau de BO

Walden Pond

Drive to Concord to dip into one of history's most storied destinations (no, not yer mom), Thoreau's beloved Walden Pond. The sprawling DeCordova Museum and Sculpture Park is a must-see on the way home after visiting the "102-foot deep glacial kettle-hole pond."

Perks: simple, natural, unfettered beauty

Hazards: unshakable transcendentalism

[Walden Pond, 915 Walden St., Concord. 978.369.3254. mass.gov/dcr/parks/walden]

[DeCordova, 51 Sandy Pond Rd., Lincoln. 781.259.8355. decordova.org]

Kid Wash (car wash toy)

After bemoaning the backyard water toys of yore, we stumbled upon the Kid Wash, a hulking inflated monstrosity with a "rotating roller" and a "water blaster," that invites you to strap on a thong and short-circuit your neighbor's kid's Power Wheels.

Perks: those flappy things that swish over your windshield

Hazards: loss of innocence

[wham-o.com]

Tanner Rock Fountain

Located near the entrance of Harvard's Science Center, the fountain appears to be a benign assemblage of boulders, perfectly sized and scattered for prime tush-resting. However, during the balmiest summer days, jets emit mists of water that enshroud the rocks with a halo of hydration.

Perks: a 3-in-1 natural landscape, architectural seating and sprinkler set

Hazards: ill-timed picnic eruption

[1 Oxford St., Harvard Sq., Cambridge. harvard.edu]

Castaway Island at Canobie Lake Park

Canobie Lake Park ("rinky-dink," as a friend described endearingly) is worth the short drive for cheesy rides and the Castaway Island water park, an all-encompassing one-stop spot for water cannons, waterslides and waterfalls.

Perks: im in ur water

Hazards: urine my water

[85 N. Policy St., Salem, N.H. 603.893.3506. canobie.com]

Herring Cove Beach

Thanks to Provincetown's 400 square feet of nudist beach, you don't have to wait until dark to swim wearing only what God gave you. Nor should you sit on Route 6 for hours; for $33 round-trip on the weekend, you can ride Bay State Cruise Company's three-hour ferry from Beantown to Ptown.

Perks: never felt so free

Hazards: getting poked in the eye

[Bay State Cruise, 200 Seaport Blvd., Boston. 877.783.3779. baystatecruisecompany.com]

Ice in your bong

Nothing takes your mind off ass sweat like putting ice cubes in your "water pipe" (with the agua, duh). The ice cools the smoke, ensuring your throat doesn't feel like it got scraped with sandpaper and doused in Tabasco.

Perks: time for ice cream!

Hazards: whoa ... we're out of ice.

Swim in the Charles (at your own risk)

Apparently, there are no swimmable urban rivers in the US right now. Fuck that! The Charles has come a long way since it's 1955 condemnation. So pull a Kramer, jump in and let the sediment whisk you away.

perks: bragging rights

hazards: bubonic plague

Duck Tours

You'll learn tons of pointless trivia as you quack through this fair city and onto the Charles. Plus, they'll let you drive on the river (my guide let me and I don't even have a license).

Perks: the mist of the Charles

Hazards: the mist of the Charles

[Departs from Museum of Science, 1 Science Park, Boston, and the Prudential Center, 780 Boylston St., Boston. 617.267.DUCK. $29. bostonducktours.com]

Dolphins and Whales in 3-D

Jacques Cousteau's son guides us through the world's oceans to learn about our favorite aquatic mammals. (Get Wet Tip: Hit the ice bong before you head to the theater.)

Perks: knowledge, sea creatures

Hazards: children, sea creatures

[New England Aquarium, 1 Central Wharf, Boston. 866.815.IMAX. $9.95. Neaq.org]

Wet T-Shirt Contests

Short on cash? Dry as unbuttered toast? Try this ingenious plan: 1) Wear shirt 2) Don't wear a bra 3) Go to the Liquor Store 4) Enter contest 5) Much success.

Perks: shallow victory

Hazards: silicon leakage, black eye

Public pools

We're fairly sure the Center for Disease Control outlawed public pools when Teen Beat stopped publishing covers featuring the New Kids on the Block. Everything deserves a second chance, right?

Perks: New Kids on the Block comeback

Hazards: no running

[Johnson Playground Spray Deck, Lamartine and Green St., Southwest Corridor Park, Jamaica Plain. 617.626.4973. 9:30am-5pm/free]

[Artesani Playground Wading Pool, 1255 Soldiers Field Rd., Brighton. 9am-5:30 pm/free]

Dragon Boat Fest

Suspect that the Charles has its own Loch Ness? This annual festival runs paddle boats down the river to "cajole the river dragons." Competitors take the race very seriously, but the sheer spectacle will get us there.

Perks: elaborately decorated boats

Hazards: fire-breathers

[along the Charles River. Sun., 6.10. 9am-5pm/free. bostondragonboat.org]

Whale Watch

You may get a narrated tour of everything you ever wanted to know about whales, or stare at hours and hours of waves ... better bring some whale bait!

Perks: ahoy, whales!

Hazards: Cap'n Ahab

[Massachusetts Bay Lines, 60 Rowes Wharf, Boston. 617.542.8000. massbaylines.com]

Day Trip to Iceland

Summers in Boston are hot, sweaty and smell like urine, but it's hard to find a cheap getaway. Luckily (well, unluckily for Iceland and Boston Now), the krona is down by more than the dollar. Tickets to Iceland start at $48.

Perks: cheap, not here

Hazards: Vikings

[istourist.is]

Beachcomber

Our in-house grapevine is whispering about the Cape and this ocean-side bar. You can catch a hot local band, stay on the beach and drink your face off. A quick jaunt down Route 6 and you're there.

Perks: camping, boozing

Hazards: not returning

[1120 Cahoon Hollow Rd., Wellfleet. 508.349.6055. thebeachcomber.com]

Fire Hydrants

According to the mayor's office, "Fire hydrants should not be tampered with or opened; doing so may hinder fire prevention capabilities." So the Dig in no way encourages people to enjoy a poetic, urban fountain of water free of charge by opening a hydrant.

Perks: cooling, wonderful, water

Hazards: arrest, fines, [Imprisonment?!?—Ed.]

Pleasure Bay

Southie is home to many secrets: living rooms that double as bars, unmarked weapons in the sewer, Whitey Bulger living in lovely respite ... there's also a lagoon with a sandy beach, where some people like to go skinny dipping after the bars let out.

Perks: night swimming

Hazards: shrinkage

[Day Blvd., South Boston. 617.727.5290. mass.gov/dcr/parks/metroboston/castle.htm]

Local Bands

Cool off with one of these local bands: Water for Ivan, Watershed, Water Moon Girls, Water Cure, Watermelon Crew, Waterloo, Watermelon Robot, Water Pistol, Watery Pond, Wet Noise Project, Wet Hands, Wet Sleeves, Wet Brain, Wet Sponge, Oceans of the World, Oceano.

Perks: liquid music

Hazards: erroneous MySpace searches

Supermarket produce mist

The only thing more refreshing than biting into a crisp cucumber is being delicately misted with produce spray when you bend down to grab it in the supermarket. Opt for the organic sections though—you don't want to know the horrors pesticides do to flawless skin!

Perks: free shower

Hazards: Legionnaires' disease

Swan boats

These foot pedal-propelled boats skim the Boston Common lagoon, while you sit and take in the sights with 19 other people. Sounds awkward, but it's fun to succumb to the touristy glory.

Perks: like sitting on the handlebars of a giant bike, in the water

Hazards: mean swans

Gay Pride Parade

Leather-clad men, hot transvestites, the Independent Pagans of New England and maybe a return cameo from the governor? That's guaranteed to get some people wet.

Perks: that closet was so hot and stuffy

Hazards: overstimulation

[Boston (route TBA). Sat, 6.14, noon. bostonpride.org]

Fish at Jamaica Pond

Nothing beats a fishing hole. Jamaica Pond—surrounded by the Jamaicaway, and filled with government-imported fish—is Boston's answer to nature.

Perks: free dinner

Hazards: getting mowed over while crossing the Jamaicaway

[507 Jamaicaway, Jamaica Plain. 617.522.6258. jamaicapond.com]

Italia Unita

This three-day festival draws several generations of Italian-Americans celebrating their heritage ... but poseurs are welcome, too. Central Square transforms into a piazza (not sure what that is, but sounds delicious!), offering authentic cooking and free entertainment.

Perks: yummy

Hazards: gluttony

[Meridian St., East Boston. 617.561.3201. Fri., 7.18 6pm-11pm/Sat. 7.19 - Sun. 7.20, 3pm-11pm/ free]

Charity Car Wash

Like its cousin, the bake sale, the charity car wash is the conscience quick-fix impulse buy. For one, there's the clean-car feeling. For two, there's that fuzzy, feel-good warmth.

Perks: clean car

Hazards: impromptu wet T-shirt contest

Golden showers

The delicious feeling of complete abandon by letting it flow over someone's chest usually is most conveniently enjoyed in the shower. However, the sense of being "bad" or being "free" is even better when your partner soaks the sheets with you in them. Drink a lot of water and try a taste!

Perks: some people get off on it ...

Hazards: not for everyone

Coco Key Water Resort

The worst thing about a water park is the exhausting and sunburn-inducing journey to the car. But the Coco Key Water Resort delivers the fun of a water park with the convenience of a hotel, so you don't have to worry about a parking clusterfuck.

Perks: spa, arcade, cabana

Hazards: screaming children[Sheraton Ferncroft, 50 Ferncroft Rd., Danvers. 978.777.2500. cocokeywaterresort.com]

Ice Luges

My friend says his grandma liked to drink PBR on ice. Gross for sure, unless grandma knows how to party. A block of ice, two carved tunnels, a beverage of your choice and your waiting gullet.

Perks: no solo cups

Hazards: ice melt

Waterball 175 Water Gun

This gun shoots balls. Of water. On a 105-degree day, nothing will cool you off like 175 balls of water shooting you in the face. At 40 waterballs per minute, this bad boy guarantees up to 15 feet of pure waterball pwnage.

Perks: shooting balls at someone

Hazards: shooting at someone's balls

[kazootoys.com/watballaunby.html]

Casino Cruises

The governor lost his casino bet, but there's no need to travel to Foxwoods when there is gambling in Lynn ... ON THE HIGH SEAS. Once you're five miles offshore, it's anyone's party.

Perks: winning

Hazards: losing

[Horizons Edge Casino Cruises, 76 Marine Blvd., Lynn. 800.LUCKYDAY. horizonsedge.com]

Chippendales

Nothing makes women wet like a hunk named "Silks." Head to the Roxy for some serious man-handling and watch the men of Chippendales sweat. This is only happening a handful of times this summer, so make sure to save your singles.

Perks: finding buns

Hazards: losing dignity

[Roxy, 279 Tremont St., Boston. 617.426.0121. roxyplex.com]

Synchronized SwimmingDo you like gymnastics? Dancing perhaps? What about doing these activities in water? Unless you're in college, it's hard to find a team to join, but you can always watch a practice (in a non-creepy way).

Perks: cool conversation starter

Hazards: appendages to the face

[web.mit.edu/synchro/www, www.wheatoncollege.edu/athletics/synchro]

Fisherman's Feast

For this 90-year-old tradition, the descendants of immigrant fishermen cart a statue of the Madonna through the North End, with fanfare from a big brass marching band, and a blessing of the fishing waters.

Perks: tradition!

Hazards: sponsored by Sorrento cheese

[North St. and Fleet St., North End, Boston. Thu. 8.14-Sun. 8.17. fishermansfeast.com]

The ColonnadeBummed because you can't afford to stay at this swank hotel and enjoy Boston's only rooftop pool? After Memorial Day, $30 gets you one-day access to this luxurious chlorinated oasis.

Perks: mingling with the upper crust

Hazards: getting exiled for charging drinks to the upper crust's tab

[The Colonnade, 120 Huntington Ave., Boston. 617.424.7000. colonnadehotel.com]

Dillon's Russian Steam Baths

Sit your hot, wet ass on some wicked hot concrete, get pummeled with soapy oak leafs (or "venik") and sweat away about a pound a minute.

Perks: extreme relaxxxxation, anti-emasculation

Hazards: melting

[77 Chestnut St., Chelsea. 617.884.9434]

Harborfest

Independence Day is a time when cynical Bostonians witness an explosion of Statehouse tours, Freedom Trail walkers, Tea Party reenacters, and other Masonic garbage. Take advantage of Chowderfest and the fireworks, or you're a tool.

Perks: laughing at dudes in old-fashioned tights

Hazards: bayonet wounds

[Tue., 7.1 - Sun., 7.6. bostonharborfest.com]

Marina Bay Beach Club

Once known for its mechanical bull and "lingerie night," the club formerly known as WaterWorks was renamed, and its ownership boasted "more of a yacht-club, Nantucket-y feel." Climb into your sweater vest or recite a dirty limerick, because it's still a waterfront nightclub.

Perks: looking at the ocean, getting soused

Hazards: falling in

[33 Victory Rd., Quincy. 617.689.0600. waterworksboston.com]

Two-Girl Shower

We're not entirely sure if it's legal in Boston (we've ... uh, researched it ... and received conflicting information). However, you only need to travel to Providence to experience two strippers soaping each other up and rinsing each other off. It's good clean family fun.

Perks: drool

Hazards: hepatitis

Wet @ Shine

DJ Gilligan spins on Saturday nights at Shine, one of the area's best gay bars. For a small cover, you can dance till you're wet ... however you want to define it.

Perks: good, clean, lesbian fun

Hazards: pole dancers

[Shine, 1 Kendall Sq., Cambridge. 617.621.9500. 21+, $5,/19+, $20. shinecambridge.com]

Beaches accessible via the T

Red Line: Wollaston Beach (Wollaston stop), Castle Island and L Street Beach (Andrew), Carson Beach (JFK/UMass), Malibu Beach (Savin Hill), Tenean Beach (Ashmont).

Blue Line: Revere Beach (Wonderland), Winthrop Beach and Constitution Beach (Orient Heights).

Commuter Rail: Nahant Beach (Lynn stop on the Newburyport line), Lynn Beach, King's Beach (Swampscott stop, Newburyport line), Singing Beach (Manchester stop, Rockport line), Long Beach (Rockport Station, Rockport line).

Perks: accessible sand and surf

Hazards: sandy swimwear + bus seat = bad news

West End Theater (W.E.T., get it?)

This unpretentious theater in Gloucester offers affordable productions courtesy of The Actors Company. There's only one more show before the season ends, Shakespeare's Ghost, and we're certainly sorry we missed their last one: Demonslayers.

Perks: lovely drive up the coast

Hazards: lighthouse overload

[1 Washington St., Gloucester. 978.281.0680. westendtheater.com]

Mystic River Reservation

A short walk from Wellington Station on the Orange Line, this huge park is a nice locale for a day trip out of the city.

Perks: green space, bike paths, picnickers

Hazards: the Mystic River is stinky

[mass.info/somerville.ma/parks/mystic_river_reservation.htm]

Christopher Columbus Waterfront Park

Renovated and reopened in 2003, Boston's first waterfront park is a real beauty, with several agua options: a fountain, spray showers and a quick walk to the waterfront and Aquarium.

Perks: gelato, then spray fountain

Hazards: pushing children out of the way to get a prime spray spot

[150 Atlantic Ave., Boston. 617.635.4505. ci.boston.ma.us/parks]

Boston Harbor Islands

Plan a weekend camping vacay on Grape, Bumpkin and Lovells islands and enjoy the natural beauty of the Boston Harbor. It's only $8 per night for Massachusetts residents, and $10 for out-of-staters, so gear up for two days with no flush toilets and no fresh water. Kumbaya indeed.

Perks: kayaking drunk, s'mores

Hazards: porta-potties, animals

[877.422.6762. bostonislands.com, reserveamerica.com]

Sailing

Learn the difference between starboard and port! Get in touch with the elements as you navigate a sailboat, kayak or windsurf around the Charles, avoiding Duck Boats, rowers, and crazies who took our swimming in the Charles suggestion seriously.Perks: upper arm strength, fresh air

Hazards: capsizing, followed by the bubonic plague

[Community Boating, Inc. 21 David Mugar Way, Boston. 617.523.1038. community-boating.org]

The Herald rarely publishes corrections for anything. So when the front and back pages of last Wednesday's paper declares, "SORRY, PATS: We own up to error on walkthrough story" and "Our Mistake," you know you may be dealing with the single greatest journalistic fuckup in the history of the craft. At least, that's how the literate chunk of Boston's athletically-inclined masses greeted the revelation that a story the Herald published the day before the Super Bowl, claiming that the Patriots had videotaped a pre-Super Bowl practice six years ago, was total bullshit.

"The Boston Herald neither possessed nor viewed a tape ... nor did we speak to anyone who had," the paper revealed. "We should not have published the allegation in the absence of firmer verification."

How the Christ does something like that happen? The article's author, John Tomase, explained in a lengthy mea culpa the following Friday: "One [source] that I trust said he had been told the walkthrough was taped. A second said he had been told the same thing, but neither had seen a tape." Still, Tomase knew there was a camera on-site, so he "made a devastating leap of logic." And now everybody hates him.

As the astonishing public blowback to these revelations has proven, whatever bloviating Media Farm can do about the necessity of journalists protecting sources they trust versus journalists' professional obligation to vet their sources will do no good, since, in the story's wake, the practice of journalism itself has been confirmed to be utterly useless. The streets are talking, and they say that the profession is dead. Therefore, we're going to crowdsource the rest of this article before journalism gets hurt any more.

So, Dan Kennedy, please tell us what to think: "So Tomase talked with two sources who said they were 'told' about the incident. Well, who told them? Wouldn't they have been the keys to the story? He says he was under some competitive pressure from the New York Times, but shouldn't he have kept trying to get an eyewitness account—especially when his sources were suggesting that they had heard such an account?"

OK, but could you be a bit less professional? Sure, Seth Mnookin, you'll do fine: "I'll argue, as many reporters likely would, that it's a reporter's job to get excited about a story and it's an editor's job to rein him in when needed ... He had what he thought was a big story, and he thought he had made the limitations of his story clear in the piece itself. The allegations contained therein logically followed from what was already known. And nobody he interviewed would say, flat out, that the piece was wrong."

Ah. Wisdom from the crowds. David Scott, you have some sort of blog and pretend to know what you're talking about; surely you have some conventional wisdom to spread around. "I sill [sic] can't envision a way for him to be effective on the Patriots' beat, but he made it clear in Friday's, uh, whatever that 1,500-word missive was, that he would be sticking with the Pats' beat."

Not vitriolic enough. Not nearly so. Bullshit BostonHerald.com readers, show us what you've got: "responsible journalism? Give it a try sometimes!" "Look on the bright side of this John ... Ron Borges will never copy your stuff to pass off as his own. The only real problem you have is Barnicle might start asking you to lunch so that he can get ideas." "I will, and this is definite, will never purchase a single copy of the Boston Herald again. Your paper sucks anyway!" "Go away you scumbag." "Haha ... thats horrible. How do u report something based on a rumor? Nothing more then a Tabloid." "Worst newspaper ever."

More nonsensical, less grammatical. Times readers, go! (And also, sic!) "Judith Miller had it easy. Lock this schmuck up until he divulges his sources." "This writer committed one of the cardinal sins of his profession. It's right up there with plagirism. If he and his editor are not held accountable for there actions by the publicaton then the Herald is a bigger joke than Arlen Spector." "The demise of integrity in reporting has been an outcome of the last eight years of the Bush Administration."

Ooh. That's beautifully dumb. Now if we only had some scat in here. Barstool Sports, bring us home: "what a filthy beast. I picture his room is smeared with feces and he just sits at his crappy desk all day day-dreaming of ways to become the next Bob Woodward."

Beautiful. Stunningly so. The future of not making journalism is in fine hands indeed.

Geeks stormed Harvard Law School last Thursday to kick off a two-day conference commemorating the Berkman Center for Internet and Society's tenth anniversary. They deliberated the internet's future and joked about particle acceleration and the International Telecommunication Union.

First up was Jonathan Zittrain (his fellow lecturers called him as "Jay-Z"), the co-founder of the Berman Center and author of The Future of the Internet—and How to Stop It. Despite his cheery demeanor and raptastic nickname, the academic sees a bumpy road ahead in cyberspace. Challenges include personal security issues, online censorship and widespread misinformation. "The internet truly is a collective hallucination," says Zittrain, "that works so long as we don't stare too carefully."

But Zittrain slipped in a positive note, referencing the infamous video of a teenager wielding a golf club as a light saber. The meme's Wikipedia page simply refers to him as "Star Wars Kid." Zittrain says this was the family's request, but you can view the discussion board where posters debated whether to include his name.

Other presenters indicated the internet could foster political change. Blogs that criticize the Iranian government have proliferated so rapidly that Persian is now the fourth most widely-used language in the blogosphere.

Just as dissidents use the web to communicate injustices to the world, governments use it to crack down on blogging dissenters, according to Harvard law professor John Palfrey. "States are finding more ways to restrict online speech and practice surveillance," he says. In February, Cuban police arrested a student who denounced the Castro administration in a viral video. Officials forced him to recant in a staged video the state posted online. Iran also goes after politically contentious material.

Jimmy Wales, who co-founded Wikipedia in 2001, acknowledges a purely user-driven information source can be problematic, but remains heartened by its overall track record. "The ethic in the community is about human dignity and getting the story right," he says. "The front page [of Wikipedia] was unlocked for a lot longer than people realize. But we eventually had one too many giant penises on the front page."

At the Boston Public Library board of trustees meeting last Thursday, Chairman Jeffrey Rudman conceded, "The last couple months haven't been a picnic." The understatement referenced the messy aftermath of the board's decision to replace BPL President Bernard Margolis when his contract expires on June 30th. Last week, Director of Operations Ruth Kowal was named acting president, while a search committee scours the country for Margolis' permanent replacement.

Margolis couldn't attend the meeting because he'd been hospitalized at Beth Israel. He's in stable condition. "We wish him the very best," Rudman said. "We want to thank him for many things."

Margolis wasn't available for comment during his recovery, but in November he told the Boston Globe that Mayor Tom Menino, who appointed all nine trustees, was behind the ouster. Early in his 10-year tenure, Margolis refuted the mayor's request that the library place porn filters on its computers. They have also clashed over funding (Margolis complained of insufficient funds while Menino said the BPL wasn't using them wisely) and whether to focus on Copley—the historical hub of operations—or to invest in branches.

The mayor's office didn't respond to repeated requests for comment.

Kowal was all diplomacy; she wouldn't remark on the feud, or say what she'd do differently. "It's not as though the library is having a major change in course of action," she told the Dig. "My job is just to make sure that we're delivering good, public information into the hands of the community."

At the meeting, the Trustee's Neighborhood Services Committee submitted a report on the branches' concerns and recommendations for the future, including extended hours and service standards.

James Carroll, the trustee who presented the report, said library users, staff and City Hall contributed. "This is a blueprint," he told the board. "If you accept it, it's reasonable to put it before the new library administration and say this is the game plan."

Meredith Weenick, the City of Boston's associate director of administration and finance, and member of the Neighborhood Services Committee, added it would help the future president prioritize budget items. "Our economic picture as a city does not look rosy," she said. "We can use good documents like this to move forward."

Weenick is also on the search committee for the new BPL president, a 14-member team chaired by Harvard Business School's Professor James Cash, and former Dean John McArthur.

"The mayor called and asked if I would do it," said McArthur, who's also conducted searches for universities, corporations and hospitals. "I'm not a pal of the mayor's, or an insider or a library freak. I've just always done these things for the community." McArthur didn't select the other committee members. "I think the mayor and the chairman did. But we're a good committee; we're working very well together."

In conjunction with recruiters at Korn/Ferry International, they've narrowed a list of 150 applicants down to several dozen. McArthur hopes to have a short list to present to the board next week. "It's ultimately the trustees' decision," he says.

Meanwhile, Kowal will help the trustees map out their goals. "The neighborhood services report is clearly an important item," she says. "Now everyone has the overall vision right in front of them, and the primary focus is on branch services."

Kowal wouldn't say whether she had applied for the permanent position.

On a recent Saturday morning, the Waterfront Historic Area League (WHALE) held a meeting in the Washington Square neighborhood to discuss historic preservation. The outpouring of interest and support was evidenced by more than 60 people showing up at the...

I was disappointed with Steve DeCosta's article ("Big Government") in Sunday's paper. His article was framed in the language of conservative tax activists, such as the Tax Foundation, whom he quoted, and it placed the spotlight on local government.

Between low revenue, rising insurance prices, the cost of education and myriad other factors, many taxpayers feel like a vise is squeezing their towns dry. Others believe their schools are underfunded.

Benching of boy

Only with thorough training and clear procedures can police use nonlethal weapons without putting themselves or the public at risk.

Last week, we praised the creation of an art curator's position at the New Bedford public library.

I was happy to read the op-ed (May 19) from John Roy of Acushnet concerning education advocacy. Education funding deserves some tender loving basic care throughout the SouthCoast.

West Side students have hands-on talents

Urban renewal

Missing 'Corner'

Tainted batches of the blood-thinning drug heparin killed 81 people in the United States and exposed glaring weaknesses in the ability of the Food and Drug Administration to ensure that pharmaceuticals and other products entering the country are safe. In...

West Side closing will be tough

Between low revenue, rising insurance prices, the cost of education and myriad other factors, many taxpayers feel like a vise is squeezing their towns dry. Others believe their schools are underfunded.

Welcome to the new Cape Cod Times.