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This weekend, some of the most powerful meme-dreamers and LULZ-makers come to MIT for ROFLcon, a two-day symposium on what internet celebrity is, how memes form and everything in-between. As the official media sponsor, we needed to do something extraordinary. So we thought to do what no other paper has done: bring teh internet to print. Hey, if w00t can make Merriam-Webster, it can make our paper.

It also fit perfectly in with our Spring Dining Guide (NOM NOM NOM!), a review of Boston's cheezburgers called "I Can Has Cheezburger" (natch), and a soapbox on dining from our resident LOLspeak blogger. We also have a special ROFLized Bean Counter while Media Farm takes on internet news. Needless to say, we turned off our Microsoft AutoCorrect.

Elsewhere, you'll find a list of top memes, a story on ROFLcon, an interview with Leeroy Jenkins, many headlines in LOL-speak, names in l33t-speak, the occasional 12-year-old-on-AOL-speak and one extreme ad.

So sit back, take a deep breath and enjoy.

Kthxbai!

DAVID DAY | DAVID@WEEKLYDIG.COM

Our staff <3's this gai

Oy Vey!

So what does an old man living in Brookline know of anything? With hobbled fingers I cannot type. My walker is my wife, er, I mean my life.

However, once a week I brave the hobbledehoy to get my Weekly Dig. You make for me laughter.

I know nothing. Oy vey! But I know dis-- er, this: Common sense. Because you make for me laughter—Ms. Cara, I too spot birds which are not pigeons (Letter from the Editor, 4.16.08)—I shall endeavor to share this wisdom.

If 10 acres of land can comfortably support 20 people, it stands to reason that it cannot support 200 people. Is this not so?

I'll tell you a story. In my country, the well, not the church, was the center. Everyone guarded the well. Well, without water, what?

Now, we poison the well. We protect the church.

Those who do not realize the importance of the well will wither, will they not? How do you say, those who use the most water will cry the loudest when the well goes dry.

JAMES

BROOKLINE

P.S. I know where Whitey Bulger is. He is hiding in plain sight. He is working at the Herald and calling himself Howie Carr!

So pay me.

Shalom.

Academicz read dis magazine!!

Dear Weekly Dig,I wish the author of this week's Soapbox (4.16.08) had done a Google search or completed the New York Times article in question before making a fool of herself. Those two scientists always think a particle accelerator is going to mean the end of the world. There are more than two scientists in the world, and most would tell Ms. Jeffers to see a therapist about her Apocalypse obsession, not publish an article about it. Sincerely,

JOSEPH CAPUTO

BOSTON UNIVERSITYCENTER FOR SCIENCE AND MEDICAL JOURNALISM

LOL

Did anyone else pick up on the amazing typo/Freudian slip in the Times article referenced by today's Soapbox (4.15.08)? When the article continues onto page A8 or whatever, the very bottom line of one of the columns, it calls the Large Hadron Collider the "Large Hardon Collider." Awesome.

JENNIFER

VIA EMAIL

ERRATA: OMG WTF!!!111 LAST WEEK, MEDIA FARM MADE FUN OV BOSTON GLOBE ARTICLE BY DAVID ABLE DAT QUOTD YOUNG CANVASR HOO GAEV TEH OBVIOUS PSEUDONYM "DIAMOND MCMILLION," 2 HIDE FRUM ALL TEH INNOSENT PEDESTRIANZ SHEZ HARASD (NATCH). TURNS OUT, SHE IZ REAL BONAFIDE PERSON. R BAD. WE APOLOGIZE 4 DA ERROR.

Things over at the Globe—a paper that, like most mid-sized dailies, has been stuck in an endless cycle of circulation losses, plummeting ad revenue and newsroom cutbacks—went from worse to how the Christ are these people still in business last week. The paper has dragged the stock price and profit margin of its owner, the New York Times Company, over the past few years, and on Thursday, with a push from the Globe and the Worcester T&G, the Times Co. posted a first-quarter loss.

A slowing economy hit the paper across all its most important sectors: financial services, automotive, travel and retail. Classifieds continued to be decimated across the board. Good thing the internet is going to save everybody, right?

Yeah, not just yet. The web has only been able to recapture a fraction of the money papers' print editions are bleeding out, and in the first quarter, the Times Co.'s digital properties saw their (already insufficient) growth slow dramatically.

What does all this mean, practically? For one, it would appear unlikely that the Globe's latest round of painful buyouts will be enough to stabilize the paper's finances in the long term. Which means things are likely to get a lot uglier before they get any better. If they ever do. Ugh.

SO IT GOES. And so what, right? The market has clearly spoken, and newspapers have been vanquished. Sooner or later, we'll all end up working for web publishers, which means, sooner or later, we'll all get to write the news in bathrobes and slippers. That can't be half bad, can it?

It might be, actually. It appears that having minimal overhead and zero publishing costs ain't what it used to be. Nick Denton, founder of Gawker Media, announced last week that he's dumping Wonkette, one of his most iconic and significant sites, along with two others.

Denton is both a giant prick and one of the few businessmen to actually figure out how to make real money by publishing news on the web, and a memo explaining the sales left little doubt that, if this guy's in trouble, the rest of us don't stand a chance.

After noting that Wonkette has won a ton of awards and rode this election cycle to record-setting traffic numbers, Denton threw this at us: "Since the end of last year, we've been expecting a downturn. Scratch that: since the middle of 2006 ... we've been waiting for the internet bubble to burst ... Everybody says that the internet is special; that advertising is still moving away from print and TV; and Gawker sites are still growing in traffic by about 90% a year, way faster than the web as a whole. But it would be naive to think that we can merely power through an advertising recession."

Awesome. Just awesome. The only silver lining we could find in this whole shit stew was this response to the request, "Tell us what you want in your New Wonkette": "Does it need to be said? More ass-fucking, please." Oh, and this, too: "Once we figure out a way to monetize buttsecks jokes, the world is ours ... " Truer words have never been hurled through the cyber-ether.

SO IF WRITING NEWS on dead trees doesn't pay the bills anymore because advertisers are throwing buckets of money at the web, but writing news and shattering records for one of the web's best-known brands isn't enough to stave off execution, where does that leave us?

In the arms of untrained, largely unpaid amateurs, apparently. It's bloggy writers of this ilk that brought us two of last week's biggest campaign stories— Barack Obama's ties to an old Weather Underground activist, and Obama's boneheaded generalizations about bitter rural voters.

Reaction to latter story, broken by the Jay Rosen-Arianna Huffington pro-am project Off the Bus, has been especially amusing to watch. Rosen has noted that the established print and broadcast media have done backflips to obliterate the connection between the story and Off the Bus, while Obama's camp, which had previously allowed the blogger in question to post posi-tastic coverage of its fundraisers, whined to the Times that fundraising events are "always off the record."

The only solace we can find in the whole affair is the knowledge that, once we're all out of business, LOLcats with Wi-Fi access will still be able to break news for us, if only because, in this brave post-Macaca era, politicians are still dumb enough to gaze out at a sea of camcorders and voice recorders and speak without ever thinking, "Would this shit not play well on the internet?"

Another "green monster" descended on Boston for an hour last Wednesday outside LUSH's Newbury Street storefront. As an extension of the chain's green philosophy, an employee dressed in 350 plastic shopping bags—which signified the number of bags a family of four uses in four months—convinced passersby to exchange their plastic for a free canvas bag, eventually giving out 50 canvas bags and collecting upwards of 200 plastic ones to recycle.

"You know you want to help the environment!" the monster's companion, Sophia Wasserman, shouted to Newbury shoppers. Wearing stilettos and hot pants, she waved a sign reading, "Starve the bag monster—ban plastic bags," and urged shoppers to be more "eco-chic."

While shoppers rarely declined to hand over their plastic (come on, free bag?), very few stopped to find out more. Paz Swissa, a Boston University student, fell prey to the bag monster, and traded in her paper shopping bag for a reusable one. "I think it's a great idea," said Swissa who usually carries totes during planned shopping trips.

The stunt is the latest in a trend among retailers who cater to feel-good consumption. No one wants seem indifferent to environmental concerns, and many stores offer free canvas bags for a day, then sell them at a price.

Whole Foods discontinued their plastic bags in the Atlantic region on March 1st, and all US locations followed suit by Earth Day (April 22). The marketing team leader of the Symphony branch, Chuck Olivieri, said that their discontinuation of plastic has been essentially a "non-issue."

"The idea isn't to get people to switch to paper, the idea is to get people to reuse," he said, adding that last week Whole Foods sold out of their 99-cent reusable bags for the entire region and is awaiting a new shipment.

Last week, Gov. Deval Patrick donned rugged outdoor gear to help schoolchildren and state wildlife officials dump 700 hatchery-raised fish into Jamaica Pond.

The fish were culled from tanks on trucks, and buckets of brook, brown, rainbow and tiger trout were carted to the shore by enthusiastic grade-schoolers from John F. Kennedy Elementary School, Mary Curley Middle School and the Dorchester Youth Academy. The salmon were brought down in their own nets.

The fish traveled from Sandwich, Belchertown and Palmer, Mass. to be dumped into Jamaica Pond, in a statewide effort by the Division of Fisheries and Wildlife (DFW) to stock 500 lakes, rivers, reservoirs and streams with 579,000 trout.

Jim Lagacy, of the DFW, said the state has stocked waterways with fish annually for over 30 years, but the ritual became a public event recently. "It's mostly for recreational benefit," he said. The fish aren't native to Jamaica Pond, a natural formation believed to be tens of thousands of years old. "Very few fish—certainly not salmon or trout—are native to New England, since the glaciers receded," said Lagacy. "There's Atlantic salmon, but you wouldn't find them in a pond like this."

One fisherman—who requested anonymity so his union wouldn't know he casts lines while on disability—has fished at Jamaica Pond for 47 years, and the coveted catch is the 10-pound broodstock salmon. "I've hooked a couple, but I never pulled one in," said the fisherman. "A lot of the guys are here today to catch a salmon. They want bragging rights." He fishes year-round, but notices little difference in the number of bites as seasons change. "The real difference is, this weekend, this place will be mobbed," he said.

But the governor didn't sweat the weekend. He pointed to the men onshore with baited poles and shouted, "Hey guys! Give the fish a chance!"

Batten down your laptops and back up your hard drives: The internet is coming to Boston. Cyberspace is all a-blog about ROFLCon, the two-day conference set for April 25th and 26th. Internet celebrities, academics and casual nerds will invade MIT for a group dissection of the internet, examining the history and future of online culture.

Six hundred people are expected to show up to catch a glimpse of the actual human beings responsible for sites like Homestar Runner and Stuff White People Like. Tickets have been sold out for a month. For the n00bs, ROFL is internet slang, aka leet speak, for "rolling on the floor laughing."

The team behind the cyber shindig consists mostly of undergrads, led by Harvard senior Tim Hwang, who got the idea for ROFLCon after XKCD webcomic artist Randall Munroe held a get-together for fans in Cambridge last September. "I thought it would be really fun if we did the exact same thing, except with the whole internet," says Hwang.

Hwang began emailing web personalities and soon had a lineup of viral video superstars. Matt Melvin, one of the four creators of the webcomic Cyanide & Happiness, is one of many famous attendees. "It's a pretty grand idea, and to be included is an honor. It's cool to know that we're almost as respected as a guy who took pictures of his butthole," Melvin told the Dig via email, referring to goatse.cx, the inexplicably popular site where a man posted a graphic picture of his anus.

Rob DenBleyker, another of the Cyanide & Happiness creators, is fascinated by such trends. "I'm interested in how content spreads like wildfire online," he writes. "On the internet, you don't have to find your audience. They find you. I doubt any newspaper would publish our comics, so they'd never reach the audience they do now if it weren't for the internet. Also, the internet likes necrophilia jokes. Who would've thought?" The Cyanide & Happiness creators are scheduled to appear on a panel called "Making It Big," along with Rooster Teeth (Red vs. Blue), Brad Neely (Superdeluxe.com), and the Brothers Chaps (Homestar Runner).

The making of an online meme interests Dr. David Weinberger, co-author of the New York Times best-seller The Cluetrain Manifesto, and a fellow at Harvard's Berkman Institute for Internet & Society.

"Marketers have been trying to figure it out, but there doesn't seem to be a formula. It's a very complex thing, which is great," Weinberger says. "We have felt resentment in having media and broadcasters see who's going to be famous, whereas now I think we take joy in making people famous on our own."

Jay Manard experienced this in 2004, when he dressed as Tron for a costume contest at a sci-fi convention and within weeks was making regular appearances on Jimmy Kimmel Live. Now the 47-year-old computer consultant is better known as Tron Guy. "My roommate describes it as like standing next to somebody when lightning strikes," says Maynard, who will give a talk on "Surviving Internet Fame" with Matt Harding (of Where the Hell is Matt?). "I believe this is one of the first attempts to explicitly gather folks who make the internet a cult phenomenon."

Some of the internet's most famous personalities will convene for panel discussions on topics ranging from how to form online communities (Incubating the Mindvirus: Meme Infrastructures) to the LOLCat phenomenon (LOLCats: I can haz case study?). The event includes a pre-party at the Asgard in Cambridge on Thursday April 24th, hosted by artsy web community and sponsor Laughing Squid, and a screening of "Second Skin," a documentary about virtual role-playing games like Everquest and World of Warcraft, at the Somerville Theater. Festivities wrap up with a "huge-ass dance party" at Great Scott in Allston on Saturday night.

Dr. Weinberger gives the opening keynote speech at ROFLCon on the meaning of internet celebrity. "The way in which fame was defined was by quantity, the number of people who know you," Weinberger says. "I think web fame is more about quality. You can be famous to 15 people."

"We have four weeks to convince students to fall in love with us. You're looking at talented kids with options, so you can't be passive. If you don't make them feel they are wanted, I think you're dead in the water."

 --Ann McDermott, director ov admissions 4 College of teh Holy Cross, on her new crush. j/k!!!111! She wuz talkin bout tryin 2 court smart kidz durin admissions season. 4.18.08

"Thank you, Your Holiness. Awesome Speech."

--OMFG!!1 George W. Bush, Mod of Amerika, akshully sed dat 2 Pope Benedict!!!1! 4.16.08

Ugh, every time I go out to eat and think about where I'm going to spend my hard earned $$$, there are alwayz a few things that come in2 mind b4 I end up sitting @ a table @ some waspy shithole. I'm not cheap, I just like blowing cash on DEVO records and cocktailz vs. smoked apple chutney on my chicken tenderz.

A few things I keep in mind:

1. How much does it cost to add peas to your entrée? Is it $3 for some fucking peaz? I don't care which farm they came from, or if the farmer used Unicorn droppings as fertilizer. I can get a bag of frozen peaz with my Shaw's card for a dollar! More than a dollar for peaz is ridiculous. My friend recently ordered a crock of crazy macaroni and cheese @ a pretty relaxed restaurant, and I think it was $3 for peaz. Did they add caviar for $3? No, just peaz.

2. 'Sup with all of the wall flare? Sometimez I'd rather pay $15 for a sandwich @ the Top of the Hub, over a $7 club sandwich @ Ruby Tuesdays. Is it the quality you ask? NO. I just don't want the bracket holding the vintage tricycle over my table to break loose, and turn me in2 a quadriplegic by dessert. :( Can I lock my bike up next to the table, and pick it up on the first day of Summer? K, Thankz. This is why I hate T.G.I.Fridayz. That, and becuz their menu is full of Mudslide bevies and Honey Mustard dressing. :(~

3. Can I haz the price of 2dayz specialz, plz? Don't tell me that today's special is ½ of a heavenly roasted chicken, and then make me guess the price! JERKS! DeLux has all of their specials written out on a chalk board when you walk in. I don't want to be the cheap asshole that says, "Oh, my fave! How much is that? $28? Fuck this! I'm outta here!" I don't have enough golds.

4. The cost of Brunch beviez can be insane. I h8 when I am about to order a yummy brunch, and the waitress is all like, "Would you like a mimosa or Bloody Mary?" and everyone is like "go on, David ... you're an alcoholic." But then the check comes and it's like: "omelet - $9. Mimosa - $10." What the SUCK!?!?! What ingredients are you using in here? It tastes like Sunny Delight, Arbor Mist and fail. :(

5. Fake Divez are AWF! iAy dios mio! You see a bunch of fixed gear bikez parked out front, and ink is still dripping from the w8r's never-ending sleeve tat2z, but the prices are insane! Don't give me that "bathroomz grosser than CBGB'z, and the menu from Stephanie's on Newbury under one roof" shit. What the hell are you, a hipster hangout or Moby's idea of the Cheesecake Factory? The Dollar menu @ McDonald's is cooler. K, Thankz!

Researcherz in Atlanta declard dis past flu season 2 be teh worst in 3 years, cuz da vaccine had only a 44-percent success rate. LOL. :(

A lawsuit against formr lead paint manufacturers will be webcast! A Rhode Island Supreme Court will hear 1 company's appeal of a 2006 verdict dat found it guilty of "creating a public nuisance," and ordered it 2 clean contaminashun from RI homez, a process that could cost $2 billion. U can watch the openin arguments May 15th! FUN! :)

Brush firez across the state are spreading like—well, you know—due to a dry spell and high wind speeds. Firefighters were in your brush, extinguishing your fires all weekend. In bed. :I

Rep. Peter Koutoujian announced a bill to create regulations and start a public education campaign about the dangers of cheerleading, after a Newton North graduate died last week from cheering injuries. Goooooo bill!!!1!1 :)

Sum peeps got teh dai off on Monday because hundredz of yrs ago sum guyz in tights fought da Revolushunary War, den ran teh Boston Marathon. Or somethin. We wuz 2 busy AIMing durin history clas, we wuz not rly payin attenshun. :(

Accordin 2 a Boston Globe poll, 3 of 4 residents r happeh wif Thomas Menino's performance, as he considers runnin 4 a 5th turm as Moderator ov Boston. :)

Ya, we knoe ure rly excitd bout da Pope'z mass Mass in Yankee Stadium, but da Dalai Lama's on tour, 2. The exiled Tibetan Buddhist leader's speech bout environmental responsibility drew more dan 7,000 peepz @ teh University of Michigan last week. Spiritual Leadr Tour 2008! W00T! :)

A drunk dr1vr h1t a c4r ch4uff3ur1n S4ndr4 Bull0ck, but th3 H3r4ld pr0m1s3z us "America's Sweetheart" is 0K. But Curt C0b41n's w1d0w 4nd @ s1lent f1lm st4r g1t m0r3 G00gl3 h1ts 4 th3 t3rm th4n Bull0ck. Way 2 g0, H3r4ld. W3 th0ught s0m3th1ng h4d h4pp3nd 2 M4ry P1ckf0rd! :)

Niteclub highrollers hoo buy a bottle of high-end booze an mix their own drinx @ a VIP table cud be unable 2 git the star treatment in Boston, now dat Boston Licensin Board Chairman Daniel Pokaski sezs the practice violatez state an city alcohol laws. Shit was so not cash. :)

@ r3p0rt r3l34s3d l4st w33k 1nd1c4t3s th0us4nds 0f M4ss4chus3tts publ1c h1ghsch00l gr4ds 4r3 unpr3p4r3d 1n b4s1c m4th 4nd 3ngl1sh, f0rc1ng th3m t0 t4k3 r3m3d14l cl4ss3s 1n c0ll3g3, wh1ch 4r3 4ss0c14t3d w1th @ h1gh dr0p0ut r4t3. WTF, M4ss4chus3tts? 1f w3'r3 @ l34d3r 1n 3duc4t10n, th3n th3 wh0l3 c0untry's 1n s3r10us tr0ubl3. :(

Last wek a cat and a skunk in West Roxbury tested positiev for rabies!!!11!!!1!!1!!! OMG WTF OMG!!1! Do you think the cat gave it 2 teh skunk??!!?!? If so, pics plz. :)

THIS WEEKZ TOT4L: :)

LAST WEEKZ TOT4L: :P