Andanh.com

I have a cousin with whom I am very close. He recently proposed to his girlfriend. I have several issues with this, but the most important one is the fact that EVERYONE who meets this young man thinks he's gay. (I don't know how the girlfriend hasn't seen it.) When I told my friends he was engaged, their jaws dropped. Everyone said, "But he's gay!" He's admitted to me that he did "play for the other team" in college and every once in a while he mentions that he has a "man crush" on so-and-so. I've been out with him, and gay men will comment on how handsome he is, how they're sure he's gay, etc. I love him to death and I don't care one bit that he may be gay.

I'm curious what you think. Was "playing for the other team" just a phase? I don't think so. Unfortunately, I think he's just trying to "fit in." My brother and I think he will end up getting divorced or be completely miserable for the rest of his life. This is his first serious girlfriend and the first girl he's lived with. Should I take my boyfriend's advice and just butt out? Thanks.

A Concerned Kousin

Yes, yes: Butt the fuck out—right after you speak your piece to your cousin, and right after you've slipped his fiancée the URL for the Straight Spouse Network's website [straightspouse.org] and copies of former New Jersey governor Jim "I'm a Batshitcrazy Gay American" McGreevey and his ex-wife's dueling memoirs.

As for "playing for the other team" at college, ACK, that can indeed be just a phase—but for women, not men. Heterosexual and homosexual women, if legit scientific research is to be believed, "tend to become sexually aroused by both male and female erotica, and, thus, have a bisexual arousal pattern," according to the results of 2003 study conducted at LUG-infested Northwestern University. Men, on the other hand, prefer erotica that plays exclusively to their professed sexual orientation. Which means, of course, that female sexuality is a fluid and male sexuality is a solid. Or something.

And ladies? Pointing out your fluid sexuality isn't an insult. It's a compliment—hell, it's a freakin' superpower.

As for the girlfriend's inability to "see it," there's always a chance that she has seen it, ACK, really seen it. We do have to entertain the possibility that the girlfriend has seen her fiancé, your cousin, with a cock in his mouth and dug it. There's a chance she could be one of those women who likes gay porn so much that marrying a mostly gay or even an entirely gay person represents the fulfillment of a dream.

Oh, and speaking of the mostly gays ...

Researchers at the University of Texas Medical School in Houston claim to have found the "Achilles' heel" of the virus that causes AIDS. Their discovery could lead to new and more effective drugs and treatments.

Or, you know, not.

We've been down this road before—HIV's Achilles' heel located, targeted, hopes raised and then ... it's back to the drawing board. So let's not run out and stick our asses in the air just yet, boys. And remember: Even if we do one day have a vaccine or a cure for HIV, recreating the gay communal-sewer sex culture of the 1970s is a Very Bad Idea. One important take-away lesson—one of the top lessons—of the AIDS epidemic should be this: Given the right conditions, new sexually transmitted infections can emerge and kill you and all your friends.

Remember, kids: Straight people should have more sex (and more sex partners) than they do; gay people should have less sex (and fewer sex partners) than we can. Balance, balance, balance—oh, and anal sex is not a first-date activity; use condoms for anal sex with casual partners to protect yourself from HIV and other STIs, known and unknown; and lower your inhibitions the old-fashioned way (therapy and beer) and stay the fuck away from meth and meth users.

I put a profile on an online dating site some time ago when my job moved me to Florida and I didn't know anybody down here, but I soon forgot about it. Recently, a girl contacted me via that old personal ad, we exchanged pictures, and she told me she was overweight. In the pictures she didn't look that big and I chalked her comments up to female insecurity. Less than an hour ago we met for the first time and she was huge. I told her as politely as possible that I felt her pictures were misleading, that she was bigger than I expected, and that I didn't think it would work. I felt (and still feel) like total shit.

Dan, help me. Am I a bad person for this? I want to go slam my head in a car door!

Fretting About Traumatic Situation Obsessively

Sending out misleading photos is a no-no, FATSO, precisely because it leads to hurt feelings on all sides. Misleading photos are unfair to the person misled—it places the person in an awkward position—and sets the sender up for emotionally devastating rejections.

So long as you were polite and direct—and I'm taking your word for that, FATSO—you're not a bad person even if her feelings were hurt. There are men out there who are open to big women or into big women—the bigger the better—and she can avoid hurt feelings in the future by emailing accurate photos and attracting the attention of men who actually find her attractive.

A Note to My Readers: Half the mail at Savage Love HQ now arrives with qualifiers like this one: "I'd appreciate receiving your advice via email. Please do not print this in your column. Thanks. :)"

The person who wrote the above at least had the decency to include it at the start of his letter. (And the indecency to use an emoticon.) It's extremely annoying to read a long, involved letter about a fucked-up, complicated problem and—after composing a little advice in my head, or looking up some stuff or sending a query to the appropriate expert—stumble across a "don't print this!" in a P.S.

I don't mean to be bitchy (that comes naturally), and I frequently write folks back who ask for a little private advice, but come on, people. I'm an advice columnist, not a therapist in private practice. My email address is at the bottom of the column to solicit questions for future columns, not because I need something to do in my nonexistent free time.

Sometimes I do feel an urge to offer advice to fuck-ups with messy personal lives outside of the context of the column or the podcast. But that's what family reunions are for. But what the hell:

Confidential to Rick in Austin: It is indeed rare for two men to meet and fall in love while each is banging half of a pair of male twins. (Or were you sleeping with two different pairs of twins who shared an apartment when you took that fateful trip to the bathroom? It's unclear from your letter.) And, no, having a Hare Krishna brother shouldn't impact your love life, karma-wise, any more than having an English professor brother has impacted mine, classics-of-American-literature-wise. You're welcome.

DOWNLOAD DAN SAVAGE'S WEEKLY PODCAST, SAVAGE LOVECAST, EVERY TUESDAY AT THESTRANGER.COM/SAVAGE.

When I first heard the title of David Leaf's new documentary, The Night James Brown Saved Boston, I thought of course it's about Boston. That sense of entitlement melted away though once I actually watched the film.

Familiar, somber images of our city 40 years ago, reeling from the aftermath of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.'s assassination on April 4, 1968, resonated like a cinéma vérité version of The Thomas Crown Affair filmed in Boston that same year. Replace the car chases around Scully Square with the brewing of riots around the old State House and you've got the idea.

Like his music, James Brown's political voice was distinct and uncompromising. As he said two days after King's shooting, "in Augusta, Georgia, I used to shine shoes on the steps of the radio station WRDW. But today I own that radio station. You know what that is? That's black power." Leaf's central theme here is that Brown was the yin to Dr. King's yang. While they believed in the same result, black empowerment, they believed in different means. According to friend Al Sharpton, Brown believed that "the only way to get to people was through music—not politics or religion."

Leaf mixes interviews with Al Sharpton, Dr. Cornell West and members of Brown's band with direct accounts from the Boston politicians who were involved with the near knee-jerk canceling of Brown's scheduled concert. In a strange turn of events, members of the city government actually decided to televise the concert in hopes of quelling unrest. But once clued-in fans started returning tickets and Brown got wind of how much money he stood to lose, he held the city for a $60,000 ransom to perform that night (which he never received). This is really not a story of such grandeur as the title might suggest, but more the story of how these sticky business circumstances were resolved.

THE NIGHT JAMES BROWN SAVED BOSTON

RATED | NR

OPENS | 8.8.08 AT THE MUSEUM OF FINE ARTS

After seeing a newspaper in his dentist's office with a picture showing the future World Trade Center being built, Philippe Petit decided one day he would (illegally) tight rope walk between the two soon-to-be tallest buildings in America. Six and a half years later, on August 7, 1974, Philippe' walked 1,350 feet, mid-air, across a steel wire over the sidewalks of Manhattan. Fuckin' nutso. He danced back and forth on the wire eight times for a total of 45 minutes, lying down and sitting on the wire along the way. After being arrested, he was given a psychological evaluation, somehow deemed sane and let off the hook—so long as he put on a legal show for the people of New York.

Man on Wire follows the eight months of planning what people call "the artistic crime of the century." From the fake documentation allowing them to enter as construction workers, to strategically devising a plan to haul over a ton of equipment to the top of the towers without ever being caught, Philippe and his crew began to carefully set up the equipment for the daring attempt, all without anyone ever knowing. The film captures the opinions of Philippe and several others involved, but also illustrates how much hard work and dedication went into a most memorable moment—for Philippe, for his friends and, by most accounts, for anyone who caught sight of the act. It also makes your feet sweat and turns your palms into puddles. Director James Marsh continually heightens the drama as one by one, most of Philippe's accomplices slowly back out, not wanting to break the law—or be responsible for his death.

Disclaimer: This film may not be suitable for acrophobes.

MAN ON WIRE

RATED | PG-13

OPENS 8.8.08 AT KENDALL SQ. CINEMA

On a picturesque tree-lined street outside Davis Square, Benjamin Bray is making me an espresso shot. For Bray, like many creative thinkers, steam-pressed Italian coffee is an important catalyst. His latest epiphany occurred while sidelined by a knee injury. Stuck at home, Bray acquired a projector to kill time watching films. When he noticed a glass of water on the table accidentally catching the beam of light, he became intrigued with the beauty and endless nature of the reflection created, stumbling upon an entirely new visual vocabulary.

Bray's breakthrough created a series of sculptures that do not stop, relent or hold still. "Boston is a transient place," he says. "It attracts transient people and creates cycles of nostalgia." Constantly traveling, Bray adopted the jet engine as a metaphor for human energy. Constructing a series of glass vessels in this shape, he began to study the acoustic properties of glass. Recording flights from the ground and inside the plane, Bray captured material to allow his glass engines to speak. This roar is brought to visual life in unprecedented ways, allowing the sound of the engine to be seen flowing through its glass walls.

"You could play a piano in a bad mood, but you '[can't] blow glass," Bray says. It was the direct, hand-eye-mind relationship one needs to blow glass that caused him to study glassblowing, where he met Christopher Watts. The two artists quickly realized a shared passion for cross-pollinating new art mediums—and a belief that glass could store an archive of energy.

On the other side of town, Watts holds court in a similarly cluttered studio at Diablo Glass and Metal in Roxbury. Here, Watts reveals his latest creative manifesto: smashing mirrors. Practically begging for a seven years bad luck, Watts has been combing the town seeking out disregarded mirrors with a story to tell. "One mirror I found, the girl saw me scooping out of her trash out of the corner of her eye," he says. This "suspicion, certain insecurity," gave him the character analysis he needed to extract personality from material, melting the mirror and making a teddy bear.

"Mirrors hold the physical components of the viewer," Watts says. He has crafted a body of work based on the personalities of these strangers, brought to life in glass. Watts also taped interviews of strangers in his studio, talking into mirrors. "I watched the videos and forced an opinion of who they were." Watts says. One woman seemed to have an "aching, yawning chasm, craving affection, support and approval." This fragility was reflected into large, empty vessels. Watts even took a large mirror to Copley Square for people watching en-masse, resulting in miniature vessels carrying a range of personalities.

In their current installation these two artists have spun a tale of life's fleeting moments, missed connections and epic journeys—with sound, light and glass. An artwork that surrounds you, constantly changing, deeply personal and progressive, it may leave you feeling as if you were taxiing down the runway.

DEPARTURE

W. BENJAMIN BRAY AND CHRISTOPHER J. WATTS

FROM FRIDAY 8.8.08

THE FORT POINT ARTS COMMUNITY GALLERY

300 SUMMER ST.

SOUTH BOSTON

617.423.4299

MON-WED 9AM-3:30PM

THU-FRI 9AM-9PM

SAT 5PM-9PM/FREE

FORTPOINTARTS.ORG

BENBRAY.COM

August is the sun-lovers' January when it comes to art exhibitions. Most galleries close while their staffs steal away to the beach with the slightly-soured Chardonnay and expired Brie leftover from the previous season's shows. The galleries that stay open reserve the month for exhibitions that require less effort or draw fewer people. Gallerists view August in the same way that liquor store owners regard Lent, and group shows, the gallery world's equivalent of high school homecoming dances, are the norm.

The dearth of art shows is the art seeker's greatest challenge in the last days of the summer. After weeks of investigation, the staff of Big RED and Shiny could only dredge up two openings from the sea of galleries that typically open their doors on the community day of arts known as First Friday. On Friday, August 8, East Boston's Atlantics Works Gallery [80 Border St., Boston. 617.549.4911. atlanticworks.org] opens the group show Safe, while the Fort Points Art Community Gallery [300 Summer St., Boston. 617.423.4299. fortpointarts.org] opens Departure by W. Benjamin Bray and Christopher G. Watts, which, as a two person show, is indeed a departure from the summer's typical fare (see accompanying story).

Unfortunately, their relative isolation will rule out the usual First Friday gallery crawl, but they'd both be worth a look in even the busiest of seasons. Their openings may also draw large crowds because of their distinction as the only two places to be. Safe will be a ton of fun. The photographer (and Bernard Toale Gallery refugee) Laura McPhee juried the show and included 19 artists, most of them local.

Pleasing for the masses, though sometimes facile, the group show stands as the most popular of the summertime genres. Other than Sean Keenan's photography of decaying urban sites devoid of humanity in The Southeast Asia Series opening on Thursday, August 7, at the Judi Rotenberg Gallery [130 Newbury St., Boston. 617.437.1518. judirotenberg.com], the work on display all over Boston will be clustered together by thematic or social relationships to varying degrees of success.

The less competitive field provides an opportunity for young and student artists. Through August, three Boston galleries take their chances on the unanointed. Laconia Gallery [433 Harrison Ave., Boston. laconiagallery.org] exhibits Taking In: The Best of Art Institute of Boston Photography 2008 while Boston Young Contemporaries, which includes an astonishing 90-plus artists, crowds the walls and floors of Boston University's 808 Gallery [808 Comm. Ave., Boston. 617.358.0922. bu.edu/cfa/visual-arts/galleries/808]. In Nascent, at Suffolk University's New England School of Art and Design [75 Arlington St., Boston. 617.573.8785. suffolk.edu/nesad/gallery], James Manning compiled several recent graduates from area art schools, but he carried the nascent idea far beyond the age of their career and considered the beginnings of perception and how each artist interprets and manipulates reality.

The barrenness of the arts community is also a reason to look harder for good work. Despite being an extension of a hotel lobby, the Panopticon Gallery [502c Comm. Ave., Boston. 617.267.8929. panopt.com], which has been in operation since 1971, has been working hard to transcend the decorative pretext of its backdrop of hospitality. Both of its August shows, Then ... Absence: Images from the Ninth Ward, New Orleans and The Whole World Was Watching: Images from the 1968 Chicago Riots are good reasons to stop by.

The old adage is as follows: "Those who can't do, teach." One might also assume that "Those who can't teach, do." Those who can teach and do are essentially the Jedi masters of their profession—the flyest of the fly. They're like the somersaulting Yoda. Given that we do not live in the imaginary land of George Lucas (though I am sure a small, unbalanced minority might disagree), the opportunities to view such masters in the throes of their talents are rare to say the least. But rare does not mean nonexistent: Look no further than the School of the Museum of Fine Arts' Staff Arts Exhibition. In its 27th year, the annual show honors SMFA employees who live and breathe their passion for art. The 10-day show will consist of work in a variety of mediums and concepts, all sharing the common theme of being made by some pretty badass staffartists. And this event is 100 percent free. Now that's masterful.

[2008 Staff Art Exhibition. Tue 8.12.08-Fri 8.22.08. Mon-Fri/10am-5pm. Anderson Auditorium, School of the Museum of Fine Arts, 230 The Fenway, Boston. 617.267.6100. smfa.org]

Dear Reader,

I'm in awe it's August already. Cram in your adult fun while you can, because the kiddies are baaack ... as I'm starting to get emails from eager intern-hopefuls.

If you're at a loss for what to do with the one summer month that's left, check out Christian Holland's preview of an unusually exciting August (normally arts' sleepy season). Along with summer, musical superstat Tym Ryan is also leaving our midst, so be sure to snag the details of his going-away bonanza.

In other party news, I'm stoked for the release of Pineapple Express. And Wildman didn't dash my hopes of it being mind-blowingly hilarious, so I'll be front and center in the Somerville Theatre (kudos on the first-runs, The Dark Knight and now stonerific dick flick?— Awwwesome) Wednesday night.

And speaking of first-runs, many bills did not get their big debut this year, as the legislative session closed July 31st. Bayles has done an excellent job summarizing the rise and fall of important bills' passing ... or not, as the case may be for our feature this week.

What's left to do other than seek out some roast beef treats and mix whiskey drinks with artful ice? The Department of Commerce has you covered in all areas, offering some stellar suggestions for entertaining your crew before fall. Ah! Fall! No please.

Brood on, Leif

This week's Soapbox (7.23.08) was dead on while still missing the target. I loved Russert and everything he represented, but I have to admit that the coverage of his death went on too long. Zipadelli had it right when he said Russert would probably have wanted the attention given to politics.

What Zipadelli doesn't acknowledge is that this wasn't just the death of a man, but the death of the last true, honest and objective journalist. Russert was the last Mohican and with his death we can unequivocally say that we have entered the journalistic dark ages. I mourn the loss of the man, and now I mourn the future of news.

LEIF ALLSTON

No fucking idea ... maybe it's about masturbation?

Dig,

Thanks to all the distractions of modern life, we rarely have the time to laud ourselves in private. But today can be ours if we take a few simple steps:

1. Lock yourself in the bathroom and turn on the shower. If anyone walks by, they'll hear the running water and assume you're bathing. In reality, you'll be standing inside the bathroom, lauding yourself in private. (Getting fatigued after a few minutes? No problem; take a break and do a few breathing exercises.)

2. Can't sharpen all those emails? Put up an automated response reading: "I am currently out the office, lauding myself in private. Please contact me again in one hour."This is crucial.

J. HESSBOSTON

Great. Now we're not in the mood to laud ourselves in private.

I take exception to the word "retard" which has been used liberally by your critics in the past. Last week's photo caption for the review of American Teen (7.30.08) said: "And we wonder why the rest of the world thinks we're all 'tards."

I believe in free speech and would defend your right to print pro-Nazi sentiments if you chose to do so. However, I would ask those who believe in the dignity of all people to reconsider use of this word, especially in something that is relatively lighthearted, like a movie review. I am puzzled why the group to which this word refers (in a demeaning way) is the last that is acceptable to ridicule with epithets in reasonably enlightened circles. Perhaps it's because they are less likely to have the tools to defend themselves. I love parody, satire and social commentary that has a sharp or dangerous edge. But this word has no bite, no comedic value—it just falls flat and ugly on the page and is kind of cowardly.

SIMON

VIA EMAIL

A sea of eager high school and college-age interns sat neatly dressed in collared shirts and khaki slacks, as they gathered for another installment of their summer seminar series—an hour-long lecture and Q&A with Attorney General Martha Coakley.

One student hesitated to reveal his home state as New Jersey, not Massachusetts. "I could see why you'd want to forget that!" Coakley joked. She went on to urge students to do things they enjoy and are skilled at, yet that will also make a difference. "Democracy is an inefficient and messy way to get things done," she said, providing a reality check for the room full of aspiring politicians.

Coakley focused much of her talk on tobacco use among kids and teenagers. Maddy Vericker, a senior at Ursuline Academy and intern for Rep. James Vallee, D-Franklin, noticed the Coakley's topic selection was based on her audience. "I don't feel like there's a huge amount of people who smoke in Boston." The Massachusetts smoking rate is at an all-time low, with an 8-percent drop in 2007 reported last week by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. The study estimates that 16.4 percent of adults in Massachusetts are cigarette smokers—the fourth lowest percentage after Utah, California and Connecticut.

The Tobacco Project, a partner organization of the National Association of Attorney Generals (NAAG), ensures states are compliant with prior tobacco settlements and enforcement strategies. Coakley is deeply invested in the venture, particularly efforts to eradicate images that target young smokers (remember Joe Camel?), and is "proud of the fact that we are trying to change the way public health looks at smoking."

But the interns' questions veered away from anti-smoking campaigns, addressing a variety of prison and crime-related issues. The death penalty, overcrowding in the state's prison system and mandatory minimum sentences were all points of curiosity among the group.

Coakley, former district attorney for Middlesex County, said of prisons, "They're pretty brutal places," and she expressed her hopes for a more solid system of prevention and rehabilitation. Coakley relayed her anti-death penalty sentiments, stating the risks of error are too severe, and that it hasn't proved to be a deterrent.

Vericker felt that Coakley was trying to address the concerns of her audience with her speech. "There are definitely kids who are smoking," she said. "The jail stuff is not as relevant to us."

However, the students had a lot of questions concerning crime and detention—and it's probably not because they anticipate spending 40 to life in a prison cell.

Anyone who's ever had to sit through the "Wikipedia is not a reliable source" rant knows the frustrations of unreliable information on the internet. Enter the Encyclopedia of Earth (EoE): A new online reference guide to "the Earth, its natural environments and their interactions with society." The entries were written by over 1,000 experts from 60 countries and compiled and content-controlled by an editing staff at Boston University.

"People need to be able to find sources of information on the internet they know they can trust," says Cynthia Barakatt, the EoE's director of content development. "The EoE is a great, reliable source of information on environmental topics that is available to anyone. Our goal is to make environmental information about the Earth and its ecosystems accessible, both in terms of the ability to get to it for free through the internet and to present the information in a way people can understand and use."

The EoE takes material from original peer-reviewed articles (by organizations that allow the EoE to publish their work) and "free and open content sources," such as various government agencies' publications. These sources are edited for length and style, and then added to the site. Currently, there are over 3,500 articles.

Information in the EoE is grouped by topics, ranging from minerals and mining to coral reefs to new energy technologies. Barakatt says that the climate change section is especially comprehensive. "We have many articles and have developed a special collection on the topic, although there are still some areas where we could use more entries, such as the impacts of climate change on oceans and the specifics of how climate change modeling works," she says.

The Encyclopedia is a "wiki," an online community of collaborators who update information, but its editors are quick to point out that it's very different from Wikipedia. Wikipedia is public; anyone can edit any topic, regardless of his or her credentials. The EoE controls its content by using a restricted wiki, and only experts recognized by the program can make changes or additions. The website also includes a section of free ebooks, including Charles Darwin's On the Origin of Species and Henry David Thoreau's Walden.

The EoE is online at eoearth.org.

If you walked by the State House at all last week, chances are you saw some concerned citizens standing by the marble steps: raging grannies in ridiculous hats singing about reforming the state's criminal record policy, a group clutching signs in Chinese characters imploring for bilingual ballots with transliterated names, or housing advocates waving giant cardboard keys.

The last week was a mad rush, with activists and lobbyists jostling to be heard by legislators who were dizzy with the final push of the session. This year, we've fawned over about a dozen superstar bills that got significant press while several others languished or passed with little fanfare.

This is by no means intended as a comprehensive list of the thousands of bills filed over the course of the session, but rather, a "best of," acknowledging some of the rock stars and some of the less sexy bills, a sampling of the varied concerns of your elected officials and the glacial pace of democracy.

National Popular Vote

Sponsored by Rep. Charles Murphy, D-Burlington

This bill fought until the bitter end. Part of a national movement to do away with the electoral college (where voting numbers are reduced to who won the majority of each state), to pass the initiative must be approved by enough state governments to win the majority of the electoral college. If that ever happens, it would essentially end campaigning-by-numbers and the focus on swing states because every vote in every state would have equal weight. It passed in the House, but last week the Senate postponed it to the next session.

Criminal Offender Record Information (CORI) reform

Gov. Deval Patrick

The governor's original bill shortened the period ex-offenders had to wait for their records to be sealed, from 15 years for a felony and 10 for a misdemeanor, to 10 and five years, respectively. But Sen. Diane Wilkerson, D-Boston, has suggested that Patrick didn't consider the recommendations of the Black Caucus (including protections for employers who hire people with records and relief for juvenile offenders), and several activist groups think that the governor's waiting period is still too long, that CORIs should be sealed after seven and three years. Last week, the Judiciary Committee reported the bill out favorably, with amendments also requiring that preliminary job applications don't ask if you've been convicted of a crime. The bill transformed so much during the season, that Patrick was coy when asked if he'd sign the bill ("let me see what I get."). But it never got to his desk.

Bilingual ballots

The Boston City Council unanimously passed legislation in May that would renew bilingual ballots in neighborhoods with large immigrant communities, but would also transliterate candidates' English names into Chinese characters. Secretary of State William Galvin opposed the measure, insisting transliterated names would be too confusing. This is not the first time Galvin's clashed with such efforts ... Boston only got bilingual ballots in 2005 after activists sued the city. The home rule petition didn't pass ... though a similar proposal (without transliterated names), for Worcester passed in May.

Life Sciences

Gov. Deval Patrick

This is a 10-year, $1 billion bill to promote biotechnology, pharmaceutical and medical device industries (to name a few). The bill stalled out for a while in 2007, as the governor and the speaker sparred (not literally, unfortunately) over the exact terms of the funding, and it didn't pass until June 2008, over a year after it was first proposed.

Health insurance reform

Senate President Therese Murray, D-Plymouth

Several bills attempted to make healthcare more affordable and comprehensive, while relieving the costs of money known as universal healthcare. They were all swept under one legislative umbrella, and under the wing of Murray, a legislative leader. The bill includes mandates to standardize the paperwork process (one way for insurers and providers to quit hemorrhaging money) from Sen. Karen Spilka, D-Ashland, and expansion for more comprehensive coverage (including dental and ambulance coverage) from Sen. Mark Montigny, D-New Bedford. It's passed in both the House and the Senate, and awaits approval from the governor (who, just to be clear, can still sign or veto the bill even though the session is over).

Buffer Zones

Sen. Jarrett Barrios, D-Cambridge

This law, passed in November, extended the protected zone around reproductive health centers (read: Planned Parenthood) from a six-foot floating bubble where protesters could only approach with a client's consent, to a 35-foot buffer zone that protesters cannot enter.

Broadband in western Massachusetts

Gov. Deval Patrick

Another huge bond bill from the governor: $25 million to create a Broadband Institute, which would invest in bringing broadband internet to the 32 unserved communities in the state, by investing in publicly-owned broadband infrastructure and partnering with private firms. The goal would be to connect everyone by 2010, so you could stop stealing your neighbors' weak wireless signals, or (gasp!) using dial-up. You would think borrowing money to invest public funds in private industry is a tough sell, but it passed just last week, and Patrick signed it into law on Monday (he usually signs off on his own stuff).

Cremation

Rep. John Binienda, D-Worcester

This bill, allowing funeral parlors to bury or scatter ashes that go unclaimed for two years, was filed after Peter Stefan, director of Putnam & Mahoney Funeral Parlors in Worcester, complained that many people never claim their relatives' remains (Stefan has some dating back to the 1800s!). But disposing of unclaimed remains is always a litigious nightmare—relatives might pop up 20 years after a body is cremated asking what you did with their loved one. The bill passed in the House, but never made it to the Senate before the end of the session. Binienda will re-file it next year.

Life insurance

Rep. Ruth Balser, D-Newton, and Senate President Therese Murray, D-Plymouth

Ladies, did you know that annuity insurance policies (premium plans that go toward retirement income) in Massachusetts either charge women higher premiums, or offer them lower pay-offs? The reasoning is that women live longer (the estimate is eight percent of women outlive men). Premium discrimination on the basis of race or religion is already illegal in the state, and both chambers of the legislature have passed this bill, which outlaws gender discrimination as well. It's sitting on the governor's desk.

Hypodermic needles

Rep. Louis Kafka, D-Stoughton

It seems like just yesterday (well, 2006) the legislature allowed pharmacies to sell needles on the cheap, in an effort to improve public health by discouraging needle sharing. This bill would amend that legislation, criminalizing any uncapped needles (punishable with a one to two year prison sentence or a $500-$5,000 fine.) During a Judiciary Committee hearing on the bill, police officers testified that they were scared shitless by the prospect of getting pricked during an arrest and getting HIV. The bill mandates that, should that occur, the arrestee must get a blood test. It progressed quickly in the Senate, but got lost in the July shuffle.

Global Warming Solutions Act

Sen. Marc Pacheco, D-Taunton

This bill is Al Gore's wet dream (no, really! He wrote a letter to Speaker DiMasi endorsing it). It's like the state's own personal Kyoto, and requires Massachusetts lower greenhouse gas emissions to 20 percent below 1990 levels by 2020 and 80 percent below 'em by 2050. It passed on the very last day of the session at 9:25pm! It tops off a session that also saw the passage of the Biofuels Bill, which offers tax incentives for companies that use cellulosic ethanol, and the Green Communities Act, by which utilities companies can buy solar energy from individuals, and offer rebates to customers who invest in energy-efficient equipment.

Housing and Foreclosure bills

Sen. Diane Wilkerson, D-Boston

Several bills intended to stem the sting of predatory loans and foreclosures in working-class communities were filed. Three from Wilkerson would require "just cause" for eviction, court hearings on all eviction cases and a moratorium on foreclosures that stemmed from predatory, sub-prime loans all mired in the Judiciary. Maybe next year?

Transgender discrimination

Rep. Carl Sciortino, D-Somerville

So, you can't discriminate on the basis of race, ethnicity, age, religion, ability, sexual orientation ... or gender. Well, sort of. The state doesn't protect transgendered individuals, though 13 states, D.C. and the cities of Boston and Cambridge have already outlawed discrimination on the basis of "gender identity or expression." This was sent to study (a death sentence for a bill), though it's the first year that the transgender discrimination bill was filed, and Sciortino's office thinks it may be a matter of educating legislators, since this is a new issue for many of them. Sciortino plans to re-file next year.

WHY ARE NEWSPAPERS DEAD? (Yeah, we just upgraded them from dying to dead. You want to argue?) Beats the shit out of us. There's tons of worthwhile stuff to read out there. There aren't many dollars left to go around, but everybody who's cashing a paycheck these days is fighting the good fight. Striking a blow against irrelevance. Saving what's left of the industry, one precious word at a time.

Check that. Two weeks ago, the Globe broke a story about how T-shirts aren't just "cool" ... they're also art! Don't believe us? Just ask some guy from Somerville who an intrepid reporter found on facebook. This guy's apparently an authority because his profile says he likes T-shirts ... and he can pontificate. Observe: "Being able to have the visual creations of others that would normally be seen spray-painted on a wall or hung in a gallery on your chest says a lot about a person."

Yes! God, so true. What people wear says so much about them (like how much they're willing to spend on what they wear). And sometimes when Media Farm goes to an art gallery, we rip the canvas from the frame and roll around in it. So not only is the Globe reporting on breaking trends, it's like they know us.

Journalism: saved.

IT DOESN'T END with the discovery of T-shirts. The Globe's relentless trend machine stumbled upon the phenomenon of guys with shitty haircuts last week. The fat Pulitzer check, no doubt, is already in the mail.

According to popular theory, parting your hair on the left reveals a tendency toward logical, left-brain thinking. Parting it on the right suggests a more artistic, intuitive bent. But the modern man prides himself on drawing from both sides. That might explain the enduring appeal of the fauxhawk ... The slight, sculpted crest that represents a civilized simulation of the ancient-warrior, punk-rock Mohawk speaks volumes about the wearer, who demonstrably straddles the fence between conformity and nonconformity: I'm a team player with an unrepentant dash of mischief. I may be rumpled, but I clean up nice ... The fauxhawk implies that its wearer is perfectly capable of being an upstanding member of society. With a little help from his hair wax.

Next week in the Globe: Anything that three or more people are doing, with commentary by someone tangentially connected to or interested in the anything in question, written by whoever's willing to trade their sense of self-worth for next month's rent money. It's gonna be hot!

MORE EXERCISES IN DUBIOUSNESS: On Sunday, City Weekly re-explained the fates of the crumbling BU and Longfellow bridges, wondering, "What if Boston lost its links to its brainy northern neighbor?" The paper only waited twenty paragraphs before mentioning that five other bridges connect Boston and Cambridge.

AND NO, IT'S not just a Boston thing. The New York Times Sunday Style section, a cheat sheet for bygone trends and the problems of the very very wealthy, also blew our mind. You know this tiny little total economic failure the country is wadding through? Maybe you heard about people losing their homes and jobs on the days when papers felt like covering news? Well, it's hurting rich people, too. You see, there's an influx of foreign tourists, whose currency is strong against the drooping dollar, and they're visiting New York in droves. You'd think that would be a good thing. You'd be wrong:

An infusion of foreign money is welcome in a city faced with a wobbly economy and a possible budget gap in the billions. But even some locals who consider themselves cosmopolitan and internationalist confess to feeling envy, not to mention territorialism, in watching a outsiders [sic] treat their city like a Wal-Mart of hip.

Wow. We had no idea. Damn foreigners coming in and boosting our economy! It must be hard for these cosmopolitans to whip out the rulers and find that they just don't measure up. Is there some kind of charity we can give to? Rags for Riches, perhaps?

SUCKAGE ISN'T LIMITED to newspapers, either ... TV news is toddling after, shouting "Wait for me, guys!" WHDH recently did a "Special Report" entitled "Edible Insects," which feels like one long ominous music video ... except, true to form, the Night Team's Ryan Schulteis alternates between setting the story to Muzak and techno. Did you know bugs are an excellent source of protein? Did you know their legs can get stuck in your teeth? Did you known children in Burlington recently ate bugs? No? Well, how the fuck do you get through your day without knowing about the world you live in. For shame! You've killed journalism!

Last week, Diane Coutu told 50 people how her employers' deep understanding of depression prevented her from committing suicide, during a legislative forum on the Massachusetts Workplace Mental Health Initiative.

The initiative, provided by Screening for Mental Health (SMH), a Massachusetts-based nonprofit, offers free online screenings for depression, generalized anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, alcoholism and post-traumatic stress disorder.

Alan Holmlund, director of the Suicide Prevention Program at the Department of Public Health, stressed the need to develop and disseminate tools to train "gate keepers," particularly in the workplace, to enable early intervention. The website targets government agencies, colleges and the military.

Dr. Douglas Jacobs, the president and CEO of SMH, estimated as many as 10 to 20 percent of all employees would access the website. "We know that anywhere from five to six percent of the general population suffers from depression, but of the people who take the test, over 85 percent of those score positive," he said. "So we have a tremendous impact."

After reading the symptoms of five mental problems, users select which screening they want to take. For depression, 13 questions follow general inquiries about the user's age, gender, ethnicity, marital status and psychiatric treatment history.

One of the soft lobs is, "How often have you been feeling blue?" Another question asks, "Have you ever had a week or more of sustained, unusually elevated mood, like a 'high,' out-of-control behavior (such as risky sex, over-spending), racing thoughts, and little need for sleep?" Questions about possibility of a user's suicidal behavior or bipolar disorder wrap up the questionnaire. If the user chooses any of the multiple choice options other than "For none or little of the time" for the suicidal behavior question, an alert pops up, advising the user to dial 911 or go immediately to the nearest hospital for an evaluation.

A "results and recommendations" page pops up immediately after the survey is completed. The screenings are linked to referral resources, including health insurance plans.

To protect employees' confidentiality, the screenings are completely anonymous and users are not traceable, since many are reluctant to seek help because of the stigma still associated with mental illness.

Toby Fisher, director of public policy for the National Alliance on Mental Illness-Massachusetts, says this anonymity is useful. "I think that mental health services and treatment should be kept confidential and by making it anonymous it will allow people to feel less inhibited to use the service," he says. He's reluctant to dismiss the website, though it may be an imperfect means of evaluation. "Anything that provides early diagnosis and treatment is an effective tool," he says.

Jacobs plans to track the effectiveness of the website. On the results and recommendations page, users will be asked if they plan to seek further evaluation or not. "We don't know for sure how many will seek treatment," he said.

You get behind on your credit card bills, your student loans or your mortgage payments. Are the four phone calls you get each day going to get you to pay what you owe, if you live on a fixed income?

State Sen. Patricia Jehlen, D-Somerville, thinks not. When she heard about the practices of debt collectors (and several horror stories about seniors shutting off their phones, ending both the annoying phone calls and their line to the outside world), she held hearings to find out more.

"One of my constituents told of being called at all hours several times a day while her husband was dying," Jehlen told the Dig via email. "She couldn't stop answering the phone, because she needed to hear from doctors. The calls continued after his death."

Now, Jehlen is trying to pass a law that would stop people from being harassed for debt they owe. Debtors could be able to send a cease-and-desist letter to the creditor, and the creditor must stop all phone calls. And if a debtor just tells them verbally to stop, the creditor is prohibited from calling her for 10 days.

The way the laws stand now, debt collection agencies are required to stop making phone calls if a debtor asks them to. But that rule doesn't apply to the person or company who is actually owed the money. These days, many companies are keeping debt collection in-house, rather than outsourcing to a collection agency, and they can make all the phone calls they want.

The bill passed in the Senate and is awaiting action in the House. Jehlen was not aware of any opposition to the bill, but with last week's end-of-session craziness in the Legislature, she was keeping her options open to pass it "by the end of session in December." It did not pass by July 31st.

To the pointless hostess at the cafe,

Why do you feel it's necessary to harass me and my friends when we come to dine and drink at one of our favorite establishments? Long before you came to Boston for graduate school we spent many nights there, and there was never a hostess nor a need for one. The sign at the door said "seat yourself," yet you yell at us in front of everyone for doing just that. Sorry we didn't check in with "the hostess." Maybe you should be doing your job of jockeying menus instead of sitting at your friend's table outside chatting.

Yet, you couldn't leave us alone, could you? Instead of doing your job passing out menus and seating people despite the sign—why again do they pay you?—you had to come upstairs and hang out with more friends, sitting down at the table next to ours and giving us dirty looks.

The climax of the evening was when you came over to our table to patronizingly call us idiots because we were sitting in chairs that "blocked" our server's way to another table.

Yet, our server had no problem taking orders and bringing drinks and food to them. So, glorified doorman ... I mean hostess ... next person to be fired when the boss realizes you slack-off constantly, perhaps, why do they put a chair on the side of a table if no one is supposed to sit there?

Just do us all a favor and stop getting stupid star tattoos, at least get nautical ones so you can fit in with your clientele, I bet you could even claim them on your taxes as a business expense. Stop harassing your customers, I know over 10 regulars that used to eat and drink there at least twice a week who refuse to go ever again because of YOU. Lastly, if you want to really fit in, go out and buy a brakeless fixie and crash it into a MBTA bus.

Send your anonymous gripes and grouses to letters@weeklydig.com, or to Dig Department of Gripes, 242 E. Berkeley St., 2nd Flr., Boston, MA 02118. Crybaby.

The federal Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) has proposed defining abortion to include birth control pills, implants, shots and intrauterine devices in a memo that caused an uproar among family planning groups and "at least one member of Congress" (only one!), according to Reuters, who received a copy of an HHS draft in mid-July.

To quote: "The Department proposes to define abortion as 'any of the various procedures—including the prescription and administration of any drug or the performance or any other action—that results in the termination of the life of a human being in utero between conception and natural birth, whether before or after the implantation.'" Ladies, that not only includes the hotly contested Plan B contraceptive (aka the morning after pill), but many other mainstream precautionary measures one might take to prevent unplanned miracles. The HHS proposal would classify the most effective methods—less than one in 100 chance of getting pregnant if used as directed—as "abortifacient," leaving us with two-four-six-ornine-in-100 chance alternatives: condom, pull-out, diaphragm or sponge, respectively, if used or performed correctly every single time.

While I respect those who morally object to the spilling of seed, I still have the freedom to disagree with their notion of baby making as the one acceptable outcome of such activity. And I, as an educated woman with innumerable resources at my disposal, vow to continue to pursue my sinful acts responsibly by taking precautions with the greatest rate of effectiveness and smallest margin of error in preventing me from starting a family until I'm darn well ready. Bill Clinton was noted for saying "Abortion should not only be safe and legal, it should be rare." And birth control prevents people like me (those who are unwilling or unable to carry a pregnancy to term) from seeking out abortions. While some may not approve of my methods, the government has no right to take a moral high ground and deny me protection against unwanted pregnancies.

Why would HHS restrictively define contraceptive measures? To regulate the family planning options available to the female populace. The Department seeks to cut off funds to hospitals and states that offer legal abortions and contraceptive services to women. HHS also seeks to require any clinics, hospitals or medical schools that receive Department grants to hire those opposed to abortion and birth control, thereby limiting the information available to their patients. You can have your parochial schools and insufficient sex education but when it comes to offering unbiased medical counsel, you cross a line if you limit the options offered to individuals seeking alternatives to abstinence.

Though HHS has declined to discuss the proposal, they've mentioned their responsibility to protect doctors and pharmacists who object to abortion or birth control on either religious or moral grounds. Oh, so it's an anti-discriminatory measure. Yet, I'm to be discriminated against because I choose to copulate without procreating? My medical options are to be limited because my fornication offends people? The Department's moral objections, if made into law, will do nothing but increase the rate of abortions sought, whether they're still legally available or not.

Like fashion designers, brewers seem quick to release their seasonal beers to get a jump start on the market and be well-entrenched by the time the actual season comes around. Take Ayinger's Oktober Fest-Märzen from the Bavarian village of Aying in Germany. It launched in July to ensure it was available throughout the US by August 1, more than ready for Oktoberfest season (which runs from September 20-October 5 this year).

Today, the Märzen and Oktoberfest styles are more or less interchangeable. Märzen, which means "March" in German, are brewed in March, matured during the summer months and consumed in the early fall—or, to celebrate the marriage of Prince Ludwig of Bavaria to Princess Therese of Saxony-Hildburghausen in 1810. This later became known as the famous Munich Oktoberfest and eventually one of the largest celebrations of beer and culture on earth with over six million visitors and over 1.8 million gallons of beer consumed.

That said, many modern Oktoberfest beers have become a bit bastardized and dumbed down to appeal to more palates. But there's nothing better than a fresh Bavarian fest lager, and we're not talking about some basic lager or wannabe ale with "Oktoberfest" slapped on the label, but a real lager with some meat on its bones. Something worthy to hoist in the air with friends in celebration! Speaking of which ...

The Taste

Ayinger's version pours a rich golden color. Froth is thick, settling to a worthy lacing. Aroma is soft with fresh grains in the nose and a faint herbal hop note. Smooth on the palate and creamy with a light fluffiness. Tight carbonation, but held at bay by a base of malty sweetness, a drop of caramel and toastiness. This fills out the body a bit too. Hops? More tea-like with a steeped herbal quality that's tightly wound within the malty showcase (versus having a hoppy bite). Suggestions of banana and vanilla hidden within the sweetness. Pith. A bit drying toward the finish with a cereal graininess and lingering toasty sweetness.

Final Thoughts

German lagers like these are often overlooked—yes, we still think the world needs more lagers! This is a classic, exceptional and flavorful alternative for the ongoing lightening of the celebratory Märzen.

And, if by chance you ever find yourself near the town of Aying, a visit is a must! We had the pleasure last October and highly recommend it. The brewery is visitor-friendly and actually designed for people to wander about; plus, they have a viewing room upstairs where you can learn more about the history of the brewery, an amazing bar where you can try their brews (and special Germany-only selections) and a guest house down the road to grab some grub in style. Prost!

FOR MORE INFO: EN.AYINGER-BIER.DE

FOR MORE BEER EDUCATION: BEERADVOCATE.COM

RESPECT BEER.